Jin

I Yam what I Yam

2009-08-26T22:21:00.003+08:00

The new start of school ostensibly brought about the winds of change, attempts to breath new life and revamp it after 2 years in a cesspit were fortuitous initially, bolstered by the temporary shots of social steroids due to camps.

After 2 weeks, with tutorials setting in, the ego has finally landed, brought back to earth by personal commitments, work, warnings of neglect by loved ones, and of course dreams, suppressed but never dead,

like the eternal embers of war, forgotten during peace, Abhorred when stoked.

I can hear the drums beating in the far distance, a crescendo softly but with the certainty and regularity of a heartbeat.

Time passes, the facade falls, have people seen me for who i am now?, they weren't hiding from me then, and the aren't hiding from me now. Maybe i was wrong, i never fooled anyone, they saw it through all along, what they saw was what they got, nothing more, nothing less.

Maybe my facade sucked, it only served to fake yours truly. Now that its gone, along with it comes the realization that nothing has changed.

As the flames of war illuminate in the horizon, my pursuit of my dreams that follow will manifest my true self. People always saw me and treated me for who i am, and I'm grateful for that. its high time i treat myself with the same respect.

I yam what i yam and thats all i yam.

Return Of The King

2009-08-10T01:53:00.003+08:00

After a 2 year hiatus, school is finally beginning. The couple of camps i went for were great, made cool friends, appreciated the female company after 2 years in a all-male environment.lol. felt young again!

I'm trying my best to keep my job while studying at the same time, i hope i will have enough time to do both without becoming a social outcast.

The thought of studying again just makes me fucking trepidatious.

The opportunity to relinquish my past and move on ahead is indeed formidable, starting afresh sounds so noble and liberating.....the fire may have been briefly extinguished, but the embers are still glowing.

I'm just worried i may not be able to keep the promises i made.

"Soon another test would come. He must be ready for it. So he sat, but it was not mindless meditation but mindful scheming that filled him. In a contest like this, there could be no second-place winner. To be second was to be last and to be last here was to be dead.”

JC girls sure are fiesty nowadays

2008-11-13T23:55:00.003+08:00

http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/singaporeseen/viewContent.jsp?id=41849

Used to think this kinda treatment was reserved for guys, it seems like girl on girl action is catching on.

Person who posted made the whole thing stink you could smell it a country mile away but honestly doesn't seem very serious.

Anyone who thinks otherwise probably have not been part of/witness/participated in any such activities in school. Most probably they would be those studying in the sch library at that very moment Lol.

I love the description of the whole thing though : ACJC girl tied up, roughed up, and humiliated on elite JC premises.

wtf? hahaha.

anybody got the uncensored one?

I really hate it when my singaporean blood kicks in

2008-03-03T23:08:00.006+08:00

If theres one question that bugs me to no end which i ask myself more then anything else it has to be:

Is it worth it?

The thought of doing what i am doing now for next to nothing is enough to paralyze any desire i may yet retain.

I fear the romantic in me is dying off....

"I can't control my destiny, I trust my soul, my only goal is just to be. There's only now, there's only here. Give in to love or live in fear. No other path, no other way. No day but today."

Dr. Phil's Personality Test!

2008-02-19T16:10:00.001+08:00

Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, one who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

true or not? haha

In case you didnt know, valentines are just cards bitches

2008-02-18T22:07:00.002+08:00

After fretting over her birthday in January, Valentine's day generally leaves me rather asthmatic as it approaches. After mulling over the possibility of the vanilla flowers/chocs/soft toy/nice dinner to keep up with the Jones's i decided to heck and give up any attempt whatsoever to make the day any semblance of valentine's.

I refuse to compete with the other rich mofos out there just for a fucking delusional couple ego trip that lasts a day, because firstly and most importantly i cant and also cos i don't want to spend a sum just "to be an ordinary couple".

if i want to spend i will spend alot alot alot ok?

17 yr old Bryan lim from NJC spends a cool $105.
" 'I feel that my girlfriend is worth it. Besides, it will make her happy,"

I lose ok? and i sincerely hope your parents cont giving u more pocket money, that seems to be keeping her quite happy.

It was quite hilarious and ironic to see a couple at pasir ris park arguing on vday. Girl was decked out vday style, left arm gift, right arm flowers. V cool, now you are just one of the rest.

You know something is wrong when u see a couple standing in the middle of the walkway not smiling and talking with an air of frustration. As we walk past we could see them at the corner of our eyes having a tug of war with the gift.

damn drama la.

Then the girl left in a huff.....followed by the guy walking like 5 m behind her. all the while we were talking, admittedly abit loudly about a cat at the other end of the park, wayang abit, pretend we were not noticing. hahahaha.

Thats another pitfall, place too much expectation on vday, tempers are easily frayed (especially the girls) if their "perfect day" does not turn out as planned. eg. guy fail to notice new perfume. mentions another girls name, fails to open door/pull chair.

that wasnt the only unhappy couple we saw tt night too.

But hey surprise surprise , despite my contempt for vday, i am going to give you a valentine just for ....i have also no idea :

Dear Sonja,

Happy just another ordinary Thursday evening
Society norm dictates i must show you my love in the form of monetary gifts on this day
If it was that simple trust me that $150 for cheap italian fare i would gladly pay

On this supposedly magical thursday im supposed to love you more
But alas i have never reserved any of my love
was that a mistake? theres no more to give, what more can you ask for?

The flowers, cakes, soft toys and dinner
for only once a year they don't mean anything
what i would really want
are just to spend with you more ordinary Thursdays evenings.

douchebag

2008-01-30T23:07:00.000+08:00

So it seems athletes now receive tax as wel for their bonus winnings. Tao Li receiving the bulk of its backwash. no matter how u look at it anld from which moral perch u preach upon, the fact remains is this:

The money is fucking theirs

This is moolah given by the SSC to athletes as rewards, incentives or wadeva u wanna call it, nth to do with NSAs . So how can you suka suka 1 mth after the sea games impose some "tax" . And worse still, slam people who are relucant to in your own words "donate" to the organisation, for a purpose completely non-germane to her.

If that wasnt pissifiying enough. the SingaporeSailing president comes out to call her a GGA (greedy grabbing athelete). i seriously think calling a 17 yr old that warrants no less then calls of bullying and the irony is that it is completely the other way round.

LTP claims that it is neither a tax or levy , and says : " it is a way of inculcating a sense of responsibility and upright behaviour among the sailors and is no different from being fillial at home"

"if you sign the agreement and don't comply, i can sue you"

HOLY SHIT SO NOW IM GIVING UP MY MONEY FOR MY OWN MORAL GOOD.

i seriously wonder how he raises his kids

Roaches

2008-01-12T09:52:00.001+08:00

Little fuckers should come labled:

flys or do not flys

role models

2008-01-03T14:06:00.000+08:00

Who more apt to drive the iniative for singaporeans to produce more babies! Not content with his own spouse, this 60 year old is still going at it better den a Duracell bunny. foreign talent indeed.

Any inkling of remorse from this horny guy is completely void though, he seems to conjure notions that he is probably not the only guy around doing it. And that his biggest mistake was getting caught. now THAT ladies and gents, is honesty for you.

here are some quotes from him :

"if u go to a hotel, you might think that this is just any other hotel room. But my biggest mistake wast to go to the same hotel and the same room, thinking that it would be more convenient."

"after making my admissions, i was hoping that Malaysians would accept my apologies, but from the feedback i received, they would not accept them."

"i wont be the first and i wont be the last (politician). it us up to the public to judge me."

Actually i have never really managed to grasp what the fuss was all about. I still do not understand the ludicrous connections between ministers and morally upright role models. Who ever expected them to be? As far as im concerned so long as he does his damn job satisfactorily, he could be bi for all i care. Can't promiscuous people do their job well? He didnt break the law, his reputation is probably in shambles, BUT his work did remain unaffected.

In the private sector, this probably wouldnt be much an issue, unless the romps were carried out in office. Makes you wonder bout the double standard when minister's pay are compared to the private sector no? ok i understand this is singapore and tts msia but im sure the same scenario would repeat if it occured here.

There seems to be one reason that he should have been rightfully sacked though, but lacked any citation from the media. And that was cos he didnt use this :

And thats simply because as health minister you should be promoting SAFE SEX.

hahaha.

PS. do not ask me how i know he didnt wear one.

2 hour old year

2008-01-01T02:17:00.000+08:00

just could not bring myself to soak up the atmosphere and enjoy the new year when i thought about the cleaning up gonna be done tomorrow by the cleaners.

damn.

New Year's Eve

2007-12-24T10:47:00.000+08:00

–noun

the day before the new year, usually accompanied by self afflicted stress to find a social activity to usher in the new year, preventing anybody from doing a one-up on your social life with the question : "So what will you be doing new year's eve?"

merry xmas & happy new year!

dont judge a book by its cover

2007-12-08T20:33:00.000+08:00

it really makes me wonder how superficial girls are, when the first thing my girlfriend looks for when we walk into MPH or any other book stores are pretty notebooks with empty pages..

so true tis

2007-12-03T02:00:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

Neil Gaiman

A national tragedy...

2007-11-29T03:07:00.000+08:00

That the front page of the TNP yesterday was splashed with this image :

Alot of fellow Singaporeans share the dolor of the 5 young men who died in Cambodia. While it is usually not my style to blog about said issues, because i still do generally believe many emotions are not meant to be expressed unabashedly. I cannot help but realise that the attention of the whole tragedy has been diverted slowly but surely to our orange friend here. Apart from a recent article on the ST talking about a teacher setting up a blog celebrating the life of her former student. A new epic has been unfolded.

Episode 1 : Why was no life jacket worn
Episode 2 : Because it would help to paddle faster
Episode 3 : experts disagree as they claim it does not impede movement
Filler : it has always been SBDA policy to wear life jacket at all times (swee, not our fault)
Episode 4 : Guess what? even wearing a life jacket may not help!

episode 4 really pissed me off, with all the so-called experts giving their views and generally throwing up a million and one scenarios. Even Teo ser luck chipped in with his views.

I mean like who gives a shit?

perhaps its just human nature, diverting the grief to another key factor in the whole debacle to relieve some of it by displacing the attention where it should be, or throwing up many "what ifs" scenarios to fantasize and delude oneself that this was all just a big big mistake.

or just singaporean to blame someone, even" something" will suffice.

It was heart warming to read that article on the blog, there should be more of such things happening. Its really a big shame, death has its own weird and illogical way of choosing its companions. Grief yes you should as any normal human being would, but later raise these people up on a pedestal and celebrate their life and sing their praises, for they deserve one last hurrah before leaving our green earth at such a young age.

Lets keep our main perspective in check, lest our heros be forgotten, to be replaced by an insignificant life vest. don't harp on the impossible ,the "could have been" or even worse, pin the death on someone else.

for in the end, life's just one big bitch.

Go have sex

2007-11-21T06:01:00.000+08:00

Had been wanting to blog for quite while but alas, time restraints did not permit me to indulge in this little luxury. This article i read in the newpaper grabbed my attention in the past and i kept thinking about it assiduously and made me realise how not in tune todays adults are with their libidos of yesteryears and more importantly , how they keep fervently believing that knowledge is empowerment.

Look, coming from the point of view of a testosterone pumped up teen whose imagination forms lips sprouting out of any crevice or anything with a semblance of a hole, We don't need to you to tell us to "go have sex".

Are consequences the first thing that come to your mind?

The man behind the DVD, Mr Radha Govind is obviously one of those who obviously forgot his libido when he was younger.

'If I have a title like Don't Have Sex, or Clean Sexual Education Programme, teens will have closed minds already,' he said. The message is very clear when you watch the video - you can go have sex, if you are prepared for the consequences"

Tell me something i don't know einstein.

So what is he trying to say? that when youngsters this days get all frisky, they do not even have a dimunitive idea that lil junior might pop out 9 mths later?

Maybe he wants to prevent any teen from every saying :" gee i didnt know that would happen"
guess what nobody says that. that would be the most asinine statement ever made.

We damn well know the consequences, if by this logic alone , why the hell would there be any drug traffickers?

Anyway, the point IS to keep our minds closed, go exercise, hike a hill, water the plants whatever, an idle mind is the devil's workshop, and lust is the main produce in a teen's.

It seems the adults seem to imagine having a change of approach would do us good. instead of strict no-discussion conservative type , you know the "old out of fashioned" style. they prefer the more "democratic" approach, engaging us, teaching us, being open.

isnt it quite fucking obvious its not working?

Look,u don't reason with us , u don't negotiate with us, this is not reasoning with us why 1 plus 1 is 2 or why the world is round.its not so simple. you don't differentiate things by right and wrong, the human psyche is not meant to be that way dipshits.

You don't, i repeat ,you don't reason or negotiate with my balls. ok less crudely put, you do not reason with primal instincts and urges in us hardwired in us since eons ago.

Doing things this way only serves to aggravate the situation by two ways:

firstly, we lose our innocence. what happened to the time when the first images of naked women came from scouring the national geographic or family health book accidentally, nowadays we get pics of genitals shoved up in the faces of goggled-eyed kids in an attempt to "educate" them. let the kids grow up and have a childhood, one with innocence , and find out about things the way they were supposed to. Naturally.

Secondly, this method works on the premise and assumption that teens nowadays are more mature, responsible and thoughtful. But it is quite obvious that teens nowadays are more spoilt, bratty,selfish and materialistic.

The grown-ups seem to have the notion that "education/knowledge is empowerment". By equipping us with the knowledge we will know of the consequences and make the right decisions.wrong, responsible and mature use of the knowledge given is empowerment. hate the sin but love the sinner? me thinks not.

You can't reason with teens or even little kids in the grey area of right/wrong, it is not as easy as it seems. we are still govern by our instincts,instinct to survive and be selfish. and knowing the teens we have today, in the battle of the balls vs. the brains, the balls usually win.

Experience is a test first given before the lesson is taught. some mistakes have too heavy a price to pay should we fail, thats why the adults should come in and prevent us from ever making those and receive thanks later.

shall update this later, national duty calls.

art is the shitz nitz

2007-11-06T11:46:00.000+08:00

art has been an empty void for as long as i can remember in my life.it always acceded to sleeping which i have throughly enjoyed more from a young age.

1. when michael jackson gave his one and only life performance in singapore at the NATIONAL STADIUM way back i think in 94 i slept halfway through it. in spite of teeny boopers yelling along to his hits from his dangerous tour (wow i still rmb the album),no matter the noise and my love for the crotch grabbing-child molesting and nose alterating superstar which i loved at that time, i still could not help but sleep on the wooden bench. i must have been the only one that day. i think that set path for me to sleep in noisy conditions. i always slept by 10 pm max when i was young, come rain or shine or mr jackson.

2. when i started playing the voilin, my teacher brought me to watch a performance. you know i actually enjoyed playing the violin. some tunes were nice and everybody likes nice things. but as things got more arty, it got less nice. so the more difficult it got the more arty it got the shittier the music to me. i slept through that to.

3. when i brought my girl to a dance show at esplanade cos she likes dance, it turned out to be an abstract one, i didnt sleep intially cos it looked completely ridiculous and alien that i was trying to figure out what in the fuck was going on. there was no hip thrusting chest pumping moves which would have generally kept me awake. there was however alot of sitting and rolling on the floor and just moves no normal human would make.

I have always considered myself too dumb to appreciate art, most pple think so too anyway.if i like the art ill say its good, if i dont i would juz say i dun understand it, easy as pie. if other pple say they do know how to appreaciate art, good for them, cos if they don't, those pseudo-artfarts are simply quite disgusting.

to me this is art :

its nice to me, therefore its art to me. isnt art suppose to appeal to our senses no?

this is not art:

"Car-mad artist Ian Crook uses his passion for motors to fuel his creativity – by using remote-controlled models to paint his 'masterpieces'.

Starting with a canvas of primary colours, the 24-year-old unleashes his toy to skid and slide across it.

'It's up to the car. I have some control over where it goes but it often spins off, so it's really the car that is responsible for the finished product,' he said. 'Art needs to be fun – not only to look at, but to produce as well.'

Mr Crook explained he drew inspiration from the rich car-building heritage of his hometown, Solihull, near Birmingham.

He used the unorthodox method to bring a splash of colour to the Wulfrun shopping centre in Wolverhampton.

And if his style revs your engine, you can snap up a canvas for £250. holy crappers batman.

it is not nice and does not make any fucking sense. he is either a genius at selling crap or a complete rip off. but hey thats the beauty of art, its so damn freaking grey and obscure that anything can be art.it can bitchslap you right in the face and tell you that is the "real deal". its just like religion, you cant denounce it no matter how absurd it may seem.

And this, is complete absolute fucking bullshit:

Martin Creed's The Lights Going On and Off is an empty gallery with lights timed to turn on and off every five seconds

won by this geezer :

oh yeah guess what he won the 2001 turner prize for that entry.

heres an excerpt :

" The artist, who recently moved to the island of Alicudi, near Sicily, says his work is about the qualities of "nothing". (you're damn right it is)

He has said of The lights going on and off that "it activates the whole of the space it occupies without anything physically being added and I like that because in a way it's a really big work with nothing being there".

He added: "If I can make something without adding any objects I feel more comfortable. It's like, if I can't decide whether to have the lights on or off then I have them both on and off and I feel better about it.

"My work is about 50 per cent what I make of it and 50 per cent what people make of it. Meanings are made in people's heads. I can't control them."

The judges of the prize, chaired by Sir Nicholas Serota, director of the Tate Galleries, were more assertive. They insisted last night that The lights going on and off had qualities of "strength, rigour, wit and sensitivity to the site".

Mr Simon Wilson, the Tate's communications curator, said: "Creed has said we live in a world full of objects. He wants to make art that doesn't contribute to that clutter. He wants to make art where he is doing as little as possible that is consistent with doing something.

"One year we have dirty knickers on show and people complain about that - and then when you have something as pure and as spiritual as this they still complain.

"Creed is a kind of very pure extreme kind of artist. The fact that many people find his work so baffling indicates that he's working on the edge."

As to why the flickering lights are artistic, Mr Wilson said: "He's making a work of art by manipulating the existing mechanism of the gallery light system."

Somehow, i get the feeling that the more stupid it gets, the more artistic it becomes. i may not know alot of things, appreciating art being especially one, but i can sense bullshit and this completely set my alarm off the chart.

perhaps all these artists are all on a scam, doing the most silly things and smoking it off as art just to see how far we will go. i can just picture them all high-fiving each other in the back gallery and laughing when we explain their "art" and its "essence" and what not, knowing they completely made us look like fools for appreciating their "art".

i may just manipulate next year's sprinkler system with an entry, now that will be art, and fun as well!

low-carb bordem

2007-08-23T16:48:00.000+08:00

What Is Your Soul's Trait?

Your soul is WILLFUL. You are determined and a little reckless, and you do whatever you want to do. You have strong opinions and are not easily swayed, and your headstrong resolve is not easily countered. You have few regrets. People find your refusal to go down without a fight formidable, and they respect you for it. You are a proud and content soul.
Take this quiz!

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this week i dine in hell (again)

2007-08-21T00:59:00.000+08:00

last push! if u see me eating (or trying to) eat any thing i should not be. pls do not hesistate to lay the smacketh down on my candy ass!

3 weeks out...

2007-08-12T22:22:00.000+08:00

it has never perturbed me, my incompetence in achieving my goals.

but when push comes to pull, may i end up losing all that i treasure?

what do i do when i have nothing to win but everything else to lose?

my inner demons should have no hold on me,
for when the time comes,
i will confront them bravely,
no matter the self sacrifice,
for my loved one,
and for all hopes placed on me,

for my efforts will sound the songs of angels
resolving my will and replenishing my wearied vessel
and damning my demons with hope and illumination

i cant run away anymore, i really really need to see this through. i must start believing in myself.

fuck all the naysayers, im the best this they have got to offer anyway.
watch me get shredded this 3 weeks.

“Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of those pieces”

Judith Viorst quotes

“True strength lies in submission which permits one to dedicate his life, through devotion, to something beyond himself.”

I feel much better already, knowing what those are.

personality test!

2007-07-31T16:34:00.001+08:00

got this of a friends blog.though i never assiduously attempt personality tests, this particular one seemed quite comprehensive and logical. Besides, perhaps a good way to wile away my free time by listening to others tell me what i am like instead of doing a spot of self-reflecting. Asinine as that may sound, i was willing to listen what a computer program had to say about me. It is oft said that others can tell your personality better den you yourself, while there is an element of truth in that, i believe it is not due to our own ineptness to judge ourselves. Rather its just to do that we judge ourselves differently from others, and without a conscious effort to put ourselves in other's shoes, our perception and judgement of said self can get frighteningly eschewed . Another reason is that our habits often leads to impassiveness and notions of normality, those actions become so routine and mundane that it actually seems normal we don't think bout it,not realising our folly till the day when we have a quiet moment to actually think and reflect.

well in a nutshell, it says that i am highly stable and secure about my material and physical well being.accomodating too. but i would like to add that certain traits i absolutely cannot tolerate. the romantic part maybe abit debatable, never assumed i was that type. totally disagree with the peter pan complex, that should be completely opposite. other traits i had indicated that i am paranoid, overly cautious and change adverse.hmmm....perhaps this comes as a price for stability. oh yeah Physical fitness scored a measly 30 percent and i can't argue with that. LOL.

some spiffy news, i'm having free sponsered tanning at bronz tanning salon for my upcoming comp. Great cos i heard those cost an arm and a leg and there is hardly any sun during these months.

next conquest: still fascinated by beef, im trying to get my meatballs right. (Gastronomical sense please ok...)

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|	16%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Indie	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

rising estrogen levels? oh no!

2007-07-06T16:13:00.000+08:00

when life is good in the SAF, u should be bored, cos honestly thats the best 1 can expect from this cesspit. well ala great eastern adverts, life is great :D

which also means i am fucking bored most of e time. out of all the boredom, aimless pursuits followed, besides the usual bodybuilding and bike forums, it seems that my daily forays into the pantry and kitchen area has brought out a new quirk out of me. now it seems that whenever i am reminded of something delicious or have any gastronomical cravings,i wonder how to COOK them. yep, which i feel can only be explained by a combination of my laziness to get out and get food, my miserly ah-pek ways, and the sub concious knowledge that whatever i cook will be inedible (since i can't eat anyway).

the worst part is, it seems the moment the cooking starts, i completely forget about the cravings, and the yearning now instead turns to wanting to let people eat my food.

I think that is the epitome housewife-ish behaviour, commonly displayed by kiasu housewifes who fawns over jamie oliver. god help me. i know its not an ego thing cos i never bothered about mine, i just can't fathom what it is.

Anybody up for my garlic butter rice?

2nd wind

2007-07-04T22:42:00.000+08:00

Not to serve as a celebratory post, but as a reminder that i am capable of the goals i have set for myself. Tonight i will be eating a double cheeseburger , tomorrow the discipline will have to resume. i have proven to myself on the national stage, bringing any condition worse then what i did for the asian champs would be a great travesty. i will not set myself up high just to fall as what others have done. the point is to keep improving no?

I still have much to prove.

i just couldn't resist

2007-06-25T10:07:00.000+08:00

elton lim jin hong --

[adjective]:

Visually addictive

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

This week i dine in hell

2007-06-21T02:06:00.000+08:00

no turning back

2007-06-17T01:56:00.000+08:00

its been awhile since my last post, i have finally comprehended the role of my blog during times such as this, it acts as a pensieve, for the unitiated go read a harry potter book. thoughts are perilous things, adept as our brains are, our conciousness may never be able to keep up, thoughts invokes emotions,cloud your judgement, debilitate our mental strength, disrupts our cognitive abilities and in short cause u to do things which after a few hours would say " what the fuck was i thinking" ?

its 2 weeks out, and everything has been laid on a platter for me, from my ns job to the former great champions who are uncompeting, i should not have anything to blame on if i do not do well, not to say i would anyway.

pensieve
take away my worries
let them lie here for the time being in html format,
let my mind be clear,
my will be strengthen
and the believe in myself reaffirm.
for at the end after i face my destiny,
i will be back to recollect them,
serving to remind myself of the hardship i went through
and remind myself what i am capable of.

So the next time i can bust my ass twice as hard as i did.

71 days out : my identity

2007-04-20T00:43:00.000+08:00

I do not know what others think of me when i reject their calls for outings, dinners or just generally say "no". cos everytime i say no , a part of me screams to say yes, its telling me im showing them a side of me which is completely hypocritical and obscene. Sadly, this is probably a first impression i have super imposed on their mind. I really fret over my upcoming competition, worried bout my conditioning, worried about my size and just trying to get my weight down without muscle loss as fast as possible. haha..so to my friends (assuming they do read), sorry.

This time its all about me, im going to be selfish, nothing else nada, zero,zip. i have led my life the past 2 years refraining from doing the thing i love, not pursuing the one thing which i can claim as truely mine and above all has shaped my identity.

To the ball, u know i love u, but this time if i don't do this for myself and prove it to myself, i can assure u the person loving u will not be the same as the person who did.His identity would have been lost, along with his character, any ounce of passion and sense of self-worth. I must do this on my own, as much as u try u probably could never understand, as well as 99% of anybody close to me.

Hiaz....diet time again. i hope my serratus can finally reemerge after a long overdue hibernation in adipose land by day 40.short term goal....lose 1 kg a week. ok lets get jiggy with it. everytime it seems harder...i tot after 2 comps this dieting thing would be more natural but it seems to be far from the truth,maybe its the increased pressure? Hope by blogging i can keep my spirit and motivation up.

The image of a champion is someone who is bent over, drenched in sweat, when no one is watching.

the ball is spoilt

2007-04-19T10:25:00.000+08:00

So said she.

Which could probably lead to forwarned unpretty situations in the future. But i cant see how i can possibly stop,i'll worry bout the future when it comes.

Sometimes, i wonder how i can do something which feels so right be so wrong.

meow meow

2007-04-18T15:09:00.000+08:00

Came across this gem of a cat,winston (ball above) while surfing my sisters blog. its probably my fav cat at the moment apart from the Norwegian forest cat (fluff below).

Whilst the nwfc retains a regal and royal look, it brings back memory of my current cat,nice to look get scratch if touch, it is just too proud and indifferent and from a different galaxy, just like rich JC brat. Winston on the other hand simply oozes catism . Grumpy,frumpy and proud, but unlike my cat allows contact. yes it is proud and it is probably unhappy 90 percent of whatever time it has on earth, however unlike a rich JC brat, its grumpiness and pride reminds me of like old people grumpy,which is cute .more pics.

recrudescence

2007-04-15T03:07:00.000+08:00

Its been a while. ok a v v long while since i last blog. if i wouldn't be the nature of my current job now, this blog would probably be rotting away as an insignificant smidgen in cyberspace unloved and outdated (matches my black background doesnt it? lol).

I have the strange sudden urge to retrospect and make a futile attempt at writing and updating from where i last posted. I concur the effects of relentless blog hopping and not writing has rubbed off slightly on me.Though i do not for a single moment fathom anybody visiting my blog anymore, i shall do what i deem fit as proper.

As god would have it, he blessed me with enough talent to scrape through my A levels my sheer last minute study.I was worried my luck was running out after the Os but thanked god i managed to pull through.my grades are mediocre to say the least but considering alot of facts, lets just say i feel fucking lucky and relieved. Strange but i don't think i feel happy and proud. In fact i have never remembered being proud of doing well and actually derive plenary joy from doing well in studies, im just one of the few person who in the end of the day is pushed to do something and somehow manages to do it well, a statememt along the line of "finally i can fuck it off" is what i would say. Those 2 months incarcerated up at punggol CC study room was definately the worst of my life so far.

Its always kinda ego-boosting and uplifting to think of myself as a free spirit, but alas i can safely say that that part of myself has been shackled firmly by organisation,structure and the SAF for the next 2 years. perhaps it may be sadistic but apart of me gets happy when i hear of how people suffer during their current NS. I pat myself on my bald head for forseeing the future and visiting my specialist. i can't complain bout my life in NS now, its heaven compared to what i hear some of my friends go through. Just this morning at 5 am my friend had to go back to camp after booking out last night to get this , Clean daisy's kernal.wtf man.being a dog seems swell, your shit gets cleared and your room gets washed, kinda makes u wonder if man is indeed king.My place of work is very very very ideally located along airport road and with a 8-530 Job, at least i can have my sanctuary and redeem whatever sanity i have left for a couple of hours a day. Due to the nature of my job and in the spirit of the new conformist i am, i cant talk about my work.suffice to say i surf the internet alot.

Everywhere i go the saying is "its only 2 years, stay out of trouble,take the shit and just listen". Simply put it probably is not worth doing anything which may come naturally to you. more updates soon...

i miss blogging for practical reasons

2006-03-12T23:01:00.000+08:00

Ok...so ive been missing for a while. truth be told, this blog would have evenesced should it not have been for absolute bordem and the realisation that the shackles of the education system is firming its grip on my soul and cognitive abilities.perhaps the passion and dreamer in me has all but been lost and a realist has in turn taken form.I have discovered and i feel it applies to all that penning down thoughts allows for the greatest freedom of expression and self enlightenment rather then just plainly thinking or verbally expressing it.Or maybe its just cos im a sporean.haha.

I also fear of my loss in my written ability, more so due to pressing matter of my falling GP grades, but also due to the fear that should this ability be eroded innocously as time passes , i will lose my best form of expression and hence shut myself off from a part of me that would then cease to exist.Theres so much i would like to blog about now but will have to put it off till tomorrow.

GP exam is tomorrow btw.And my com just got infected by a malware.wth la. i wonder how long i will spend clearing it tomorrow.

i have always choosen what is right over what is easy. but it just seems getting easier...and easier and easier...

Thanks.....

2006-01-15T17:03:00.000+08:00

I want to thank...
my manager and financial assitance, my father, for helping me leading into the last few days of comp.
my sister for helping me take photos.
my mother for refraining from nagging me.
my friends who turned up, althought u were late.
my coach for guiding and mentoring me
my gym buddies for pushing me and teaching me.pple like dex,clarence and all the rest,too many to mention.Gilbert for convincing me to load.Ibrahim for teaching me to shed the last 2 kgs,double H for encouraging me.
Anybody who i gave attitude or made sad leading to the comp, especially those close to me like my girl.
Those people who wasted ten minutes of their lives to help me cut down by pressing the treadmill...haha,Dharma,alvin and others i cannot remember at press time.those helped alot.
My body for not breaking down on me.

i could not have done it without help.Thank you! the countdown begins....3....2.....?

notle

happi new year people!!!!

2006-01-01T23:22:00.000+08:00

happy new year everybody! i resolve to be a better person, be happier and make other people happier. Here are a couple of fascinating things that have happened.

1. parents said i took my sleep talking(scolding)to a whole new level last night.A part of me surely has alot of agnst to vent that i cannot put my finger on.The first trouble is that i'm unresolved whether as to look into this more seriously.Secondly,if i decided to persue the matter,i'm brooding as to whether i may spook myself out.This really is personal, and i dun like the feeling i do now know myself.

2.If those new age colour TV which they advertise on the telly "shows" the "life-like" and "sharp" blabla pictures that can be viewed with THEIR TVs...doesnt it mean ours can too cos ours are advertising and displaying it?so why buy them?haha...

3.i didn't give up on myself...phew...

notle

my folly

2005-12-26T00:42:00.000+08:00

I know my timing is by god indecorous, but after 1 whole year, ive finally found something normal to covet.people who know me well may noticed i have not been listening to much music this past year, perhaps the occasional straying to a hip-hop, but chiefly due to the fact that i'm bombarded by it in the gym.but the main reason is due to the fact that i keep listening to my fav band , dave matthew's. I just enjoy his music, it is what i would like to call in my own terms "happy music", music which lifts my spirits and i feel good listening to, feels even better trying to sing and play to it(though it may apply to others).And its hard to find "happy music" nowadays.his incoporation of different instruments such as violin ,sax and flutes impresses me even more. If i love the band, listening to him and Tim reynolds acoustically as a duo is near orgasmic.Tim's technique is incredible, his speed needs no praise, but i like him even more of his vast knowledge of the instrument and how he can make use of every ability the guitar posseses without any confined style. I have always been trying to get ANYBODY ,regardless whether it is guys or girls, oldies or teens,white black or purple people to play his stuff with me, band or anything, but don't have much luck anyhow in finding like-minded people.his pieces arn't hard, you juz gotta enjoy them tts all pretty much i think.thats all i ever did. Since i could'nt attain that, i kept my dream of playing with another person ala tim and dave a well kept secret stored within the reccesses of my grey matter.So wad i realli want is somebody to play his stuff with me, haha. HELLO ANYBODY IF U LIKE HIS STUFF AND FEEL LIKE PLAYING IT PLEASE GIVE ME A HOLLER. here is the other "thing", somewhat more realistic, hold your breath:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1575606550/ref=pd_lpo_k2a_1_img/104-5792930-1534307?%5Fencoding=UTF8
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/157560275X/ref=pd_bxgy_text_b/104-5792930-1534307?%5Fencoding=UTF8

yup i'm easy to please.

goodnight

ho-hum lets get down one more time

2005-12-18T12:31:00.000+08:00

Competition round e corner. i apologise to pple round me if i become fractious,cold or a sacarstic S.O.B. on a different note, the past few nights have been very interesting.

And you yes you the person looking at my blog now, CHEER UP!

This is my life, and its ending, one second at a time.

notle

ill-starred

2005-12-04T16:14:00.000+08:00

Yesterday Jos broke the 40-medal record, i also broke a record, dubbed the sprain-free record. HAHA. My right ankle suffered an embarrassing sprain, blitzing pass players, i was on a rampage and had just scored 3 goals in succession, probably one of those days when my ball doesnt esoterically turn into a rugby convert upon leaving my feet. it occured innocuously enough, i was ghosting behind jerrold who had possesion of the ball and he was looking for an opening to turn and take a shot when i just fell.fuck those newbalance army shoes man.dunno smlj abzorb technology it had.the sole was as thick as a carl's junior burger,seems more to me like "add extra rubber to bottom" and market it to the stupid MINDEF" technology.Anyway, if u can envision the physics in your mind, a thicker sole will lead to a worse sprain as ur ankle must inverse more upon impact to level out the shoe.

Anyway, something gave and i felt a pop, went down flailing and thought to myself :" wa fuck, jia lat liao".as usual the game continued lol, we are all big boys and can all take care of ourselves. as with most sprians, god created the injury in such a way that we could still walk home immediatly after it, only to feel the full repercussions the next day.thank you god.Cos i had juz paid to watch Saw 2 that night, and with god as my witness will not waste my damn 9.50 on a movie i actually want to watch. the movie was real nice, not for the squemish but the only thing that kept me thinking more than anything else is how they are gonna better it in the next sequel.im to lazy to write a full review so ill leave it for next time

sian.....how to train? i want my wo-de-mei-ren :D

notle

Miss me?

2005-11-23T23:26:00.000+08:00

hmm...deficit of postings nowadays.the truth be told...i made this post chiefly due to guilty twinges felt after i paid more attention the blog my friends set up themoronbrothers.blogspot .haha...u piece of SHEET!!

Not many things betide me recently. The course of anything would have been my doing,i feel i have ascendance over my life. I am happy...i always tried to be, not contented however. but not not contented in the sense "i want more i want dis i want that" , that is but vessels resonating and broadcasting. Not contented in the sense that i fear the day i stop ameliorating myself in any aspect.i do have dreams, but dreams too far away were never good motivation, i prefer to walk the steps then see the mile. i'll get there when i do.constantly targeting the seemingly unattinable is not good motivation and i dun wanna be smug and happy with myself by setting and achieving one that can be achieved in the short run, this way,im like planting my"dream" time capsule and forget bout it for awhile , allowing me to be happy and at the same time relieving me of the task of answering to anybody but myself. i'll open it up later on.later later on.

goodnight

PW blues

2005-10-26T00:13:00.000+08:00

I know i ranted bout the blinding fatuity of having the exams immediatly after the hols previously, but pw definately has to take the cake. This goddamn piece of time-wasting, blood-curdling nonsense must have been gestated from the bowels of hell. I had fond images of myself having copious amount of time to indulge in the activities which i relish, but it seems now that i cant even set aside a consistent traning schedule.

It probably irks me even more so cos i never taught i would allow myself to be so pertubed by something i viewed as insignificant and not above my capabilities initially.

goodnight

EaRwAx

2005-10-10T22:42:00.000+08:00

I know she said it's alright
But you can make it up next time
I know she knows it's not right
There ain't no use in lying
Maybe she thinks I know something
Maybe maybe she thinks its fine
Maybe she knows something I don't
I'm so, I'm so tired, I'm so tired of trying

It seems to me that maybe,
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go
And often times we're lazy
It seems to stand in my way
Cause no one no not no one
Likes to be let down

I know she loves the sunrise
No longer sees it with her sleeping eyes
And I know that when she said she's gonna try
Well it might not work because of other ties and
I know she usually has some other ties
And I wouldn't want to break 'em, nah, I wouldn't want to break 'em
Maybe she'll help me to untie this but
Until then well, I'm gonna have to lie too

It seems to me that maybe
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go
And often times we're lazy
It seems to stand in my way
Cause no one no not no one
Likes to be let down
It seems to me that maybe
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go

The harder that you try baby, the further you'll fall
Even with all the money in the whole wide world
Please please please don't pass me
Please please please don't pass me
Please please please don't pass me by

Everything you know about me now baby you gonna have to change
You gonna have to call it by a brand new name
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me down

Just like a tree down by the water baby I shall not move
Even after all the silly things you do
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me down

My earwax at the moment, although i knew this song last year.maybe cos it kinda reflects my feelings now.simple to play to it too.

goodnight

So many things i wanna do

2005-10-09T11:43:00.000+08:00

The bona fide work will start after promos,the work of finding things to do,hahahaha.After going thru the JC for close to a year, i understand better wad 24 hours mean,and the things which can be achived in it.the impetuous superflous of time available after promos will open up a void that i will be all too glad to attempt to fill.

The following goes in no order wadsoeva:

1. redo my room, its too big and bland, was inspired by my cousin. hahaha!
2.training and dieting (lets push it up a notch and try harder)
3.chalet! (how to miss it?)
4.violin practice(oh man, im so neglecting it)
5.haha my dream is to raise money tobuy an electric violin,a long shot but no harm dreaming.
6.Overseas trip (miss the fun last year)

anything else i should fill up?suggestions? Of course there are other things on my mind,if other pple are wondering,it doesnt end at 6.

good afternoon

lalalala

2005-10-02T22:35:00.000+08:00

hmm...recently heard that a student got suspended by some inane JC for flaming a teacher online.While i do sympathize with the poor soul who had the tough luck of being made a scapegoat, i do not think the ordeal will be dealth upon another student.Anyway, after reading xiaxue's blog(and realising she doesn't think before typing), i cant for the sake of it think why the teachers are getting so much flake from it. Most of the teachers i have crossed paths with seemed perfectly humanoid, although some do not seem to belong on the 3rd rock off the sun. Power-abusive? i doubt so.Seriously, do you really think the teacher would want to be bothered with all this crap, perhaps some would, but i think most won't. The fact of the matter is this , if u ain't got the grapefruits to say it in front of your teacher, don't say it anyhow. They are teachers,we are students, it isn't a level-playing ground.If u wanna be a rebel, go screw the principal in his face and quit school, then you will earn my respect.If u are a stickler for free specch, go shout it out loud during assembly one day.Saying it online doesnt make it any more justifiable then doing just that, it still is for the public to listen to, you just "thought" it was ok because you didnt "expect" a person in authority to view it, c'mon thats a lame excuse.

Ok...some pple will start saying notle is a conformist and a goody-2-shoes that follows the rules. But the only rebel i feel should be one with a cause and a goal. complainin wont get u shit ...talking back to teachers get u only into more.

The last thing i wanna say is that i know that there are some teachers which you absolutely hate and really just wanna give a punch ,much less refrain from talking back. i am not going to say stupid stuff like u should get to know the teacher better yadayadayada cos i do recognise the existance of such BS teachers. i just have dis to say:

Show the teachers respect....just to stay out of trouble. Whether u give them any at all...that is up to you.

goodnight

the voyeuristic friendster strikes back!

2005-10-02T22:26:00.000+08:00

My oh my....friendster has certainly outdone itself in its bid to keep abreast of the competition from the likes of multiply. I thought getting pam anderson to be a blogger was a masterstroke, (although her pics were a tad dissapointing), now u can spy on the pple who view u! There used to be a time where we could delve into our dark side behind the radioactive screen and sift through profile after profile...it was every voyeur's fantasy come true.Ah....but no, they added the program where u could see WHO VIEWS YOU. i cogitate the following the following scenarios happening.

PURELY for randomness sake(and cos dis is my blog and i can write anything i want not pertaining to teachers)2 imaginary jap girls "emiri" and "sinako" will be used in a random japanese language school in pasir ris.

emiri: eh u know ah, frenster got new feature can see who view u

sinako: got pple wanna see u meh? maybe chee ko pek like drick or youjun onli.

emiri: haha of course!....u know our school the yadayadayada guy...tt wadisname guy...."Tama" or sumthing.....everytime i go check he cfm view my profile you know!

sinako : IIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZIT!!! But you don't even know him!

(fill in the rest up to ur imagination, u won't need alot of it)

(all chracters used in this dialouge are purely fictional and are not who you think they are,and to dharma ,derrick and eugene,if you think its you,well it isn't.)

But wait, theres more! you can send a smile to those who view u! and quote from the webby "get ***'s attention and send a smile".Maybe pple like drick and youjun will spend a little bit more hours on friendster....i envision them visiting profiles of the other sex, and see if they strike the lucky 7 when one sends a smile back.

Ideal politically correct scenario =

drick :" eh yesterday i visited the profiles of girls who had similar interests as me and whose personality i like from wad they write in "about me"

youjun: " wa really?anyone of dem got wink wink back at you?"

drick: " ya dis girl from pakistan, she has the same hobbies i have and i feel i can really relate to her"

youjun: "well, wad u gonna do then?"

(as above, fill the top with ur imagination)

Realistic singaporean teen scenario =

drick:" eh yesterday i visited the profiles of girls who sibuay kan chio one."

youjun:" ISIT....haha i oso i oso...dun tell my gf ah later she whack me...she very strong one..how how?...got any "signal"to you or not?."

drick: "Ya got 1 quite chio....but a damn lot of makeup....den take the photo from the top one...pan upwards...den the her eyes like very big liddat....abit act cute..but still chio, den got another one..... leftmeinawe (of her beauty)"

youjun:" wa song la like that! go msg her kinkinkin! or u want msg the one that haduinawe?"

(grammatical mistakes are not intended as this was a rushed post)

goodnight

for ur entertainment

2005-09-26T22:59:00.000+08:00

Jose's secret pep talks : http://www.radioireland.ie/audio/giftjose.wma

And to view the the oxymoron of a smart ah-beng: http://rockson.blogspot.com/

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

2005-09-22T22:55:00.000+08:00

That's what i will be doing, as i finally agnise that certain things are beyond my control and for once, i am not in control of something pertaining to me.

Well, maybe except the sitting part.

goodnight

2005-09-10T02:12:00.000+08:00

KNN LA READ WAD READ BLOG WAD BLOG GO STUDY LA PROMOS COMING.

spectator sport

2005-09-07T23:41:00.000+08:00

After coming to terms with the amount of effort i have been able to put into the betterment of the self, i have begun to realise the more effort i am capable of extracting from my body for my own acheivements , the more self-centred and selfish it makes me,im pretty sure it goes for other people too.I think its high time i transferred some of the effort towards the betterment of others, pmaybe then can i fill vacous void and hollow sinking filling i have been feeling nowadays. maybe...just maybe.

goodnight

2005-08-25T23:41:00.000+08:00

he past week have been embrolied in controversy with pills, water and inferiority complexes.

Ostensibly a normal lunch,i nonchalently popped 2 of my diet pills in front of my bio teacher.

"eh elton wad are those?"
"my cutting pills lor."
"huh...to lose weight?"

this is where i tried to impress her abit with abit of words

"yeah, stimulant to increase metabolism and expand more calories"

"ok....wads in it?"
"caffaine is the main ingredient"

@ dis point i could have swore my caffine-phobic teacher nearly freaked out to the point of stuffing her fingers down my throat.

"WHAT! yabayabayaba"

you can probably guess wad was being said. what happened next was inconveivable.Word was spread to my CT, who obviously like all the other teachers take me as a little kid.it didnt stop there, i was hauled up to miss choi and even the principal heard bout it. yabayabayaba even more.

Concern is welcomed and always a good thing.But i wondered if this teachers ever took a moment to think whether i actually knew what i am doing.You don't tell a policeman not to use his gun because he might shoot an innocent bystander right? Give me more credit man, juz cos there arnt anybody else in JC doing it doesnt mean i am a greenhorn. I mean dun assume i dun know anything about it just becuase u its not normal.....sterotype once again.Arrogant as it may sound, you are talking to a person who has devoted 4 years of his life to understanding and manipulating his body,so in chinese it can be said " BAN MEN NONG FU". so im going to say dis once, I AM NOT YOUR TYPICAL JC KID, I AM A 17 YEAR OLD.

I do not mean to distance myself apart from my peers, i always wanted to be accepted and be integrated for who i am and not what i do.i never thought myself as superior or special in any sense, rather i believed myself to just have the luck to know what is and persue my interest to the fullest.I find it a bitch to be known as "the guy with the big body".That sucks ass man, I wanted much badly to believe so myself untill after this incident.I never expected special treatment or anything just because i am a youth national bber, just give me the respect and credit i deserve. I have now come to terms that with my unique interest, i can no longer be a "normal" student, away from the attention of teachers and such. And i shall have to stop thinking teachers will treat me as a responsible "17- year-old" next time untill they actually do.

Only down at lil india am i treated as an adult.The guys and my coach had a field time laughing over the trouble i got into over this.

Its late, im thirsty and i shall cover the other 2 topics next day

goodnight.

Victoria School

2005-08-21T01:27:00.000+08:00

Looks like my alma mata has made the headlines again,wrong or right, bad publicity is better then none. Our principal, young robust and full of ideas has once again made a big argy-bargy out of the whole CO-ED issue while conviniently away in China . More of a publicity stunt it seems, i applaud his vision and foresight. Well, unless he really is putrid and insipid enough to have the logic "Girls score more than boys...so lets bring in girls to push up our results!!!" i wonder if while analysing the past five years of VS results he had taken the time to juz browse throught the list of top-10 schools in terms of ranking.mayb it will come to his attention that hardly any CO-ED schools other den cheena cheena Dunman High make it there. C'mon la, Mr Chia and friends will have a whole new spectrum of problems to play cops and robbers with.BGR, peeping toms my oh my.....Looks like the very reason he wants to bring Eve into the land of adam will only serve to backfireand possibly pull results down even more.Without even devling talk of keeping tradition and the Victorian Spirit etc. etc. to give us the moral highground, this is probably reason enought not to go CO-ED.

Well, it is nice to see Victorians so passionate about VS and making the headlines

Goodnight Nil Sini Labore

Lets talk abt me.

2005-08-15T01:48:00.000+08:00

Keeping loyal readers up to date the daily occurences of yours truely.Once again summarised for my convinence.

1. Have been coerced not to drop bio
2. Realised dance is not my cup of tea
3. Realised students are just statistics to the school
4. Feeling lonely, the sort u feel when u lie in your bed at night and your mind starts to wander.

5. 2 weeks to junking! LOL,the chequered flag is in sight.hope to make an impact in my first outing.I reckon a place in the finals will be a showing good enough.bantamweight was always going to be the toughest catogary.having the national champion in it doesnt make it any easier.

goodnight

Pressed For Time

2005-07-19T23:15:00.000+08:00

No time No time No time.Notable Events happening at press time, summarised for my convenience.

1.A glabrescent, hunger-pang-filled athelete suffering from constant hypoglycemic backlashes.
2.Attained abhorent,repungent marks for my mid-yrs, seriously considering and very likely to drop a subject.
3.Realised to never tell Adrian Chua anything at all involving the opposite sex.
4.Realised that VS people inteprets purposefully "chio" as "like".
4.Want to wish all canoist good luck for tomorrow's race.

goodnight

please be careful.

2005-07-03T22:43:00.000+08:00

Theres a kinda wierd ass fever going on about now.apparently 2 different types.one type not so serious and one that is quite. i was out painting town red with my friends on thursday night,right after our mid yrs(lets refrain from talking about that).Just as i completed my last game of dota (ownage of course), i felt a headache setting in. At first what seemed to be just my old myopic ailment set in and i brushed it off swiping it off my mine like yesterday's homework.i slept soundly.the next day i had an exam,thankfully by that time god choose to strike upon me only a fraction of what was to come,it proceeded without incidence and all seemed well and dandy(heck, even my name was called out).i returned home at about 10 and took a couple of panadols and hit the sack.thereafter it started. I had the worst ever headace(1hit) combo with fever(2 hit) combo with an ache in my jaw(3 hit) which meant that i counldnt sleep and could only lie in agony.i shall not elaborate on the ordeal, suffice to say that i have never felt much worse in my 17 years and that i couldnt stumble more than 3 steps without hand support upon waking up and trying to drink some water.nobody at home, no panadols left.nothing much left to talk about on this.i shall not take this on a day by day account thing.the moral of the story is coming right up.

It is a very bad habit of mine,and one that has receiveed vociferious remonstrations from my entire family. i have never liked to see doctors, often opting to diagnose myself and play Doctor.i am right 90 percent of the time though.so today when i am stronger.i realised that farhan also had the same sickness on me,which flared up on the same day and surprisingly had the exact same symptoms as me. therefore initial arguements which pointed at a bowl of contaminated sea-hum failed to hold.after more sluething, i realised we had just gotten dengue fever. backache,headache,fever,joint and muscle pain AND the most damnning one that nailed it was the itch and slight rash on the 3rd day. But here is the most enrapturing part is that this !@#$ fever has an incubation period of 5-8 days. So wtf conspired then(bok suggested without hesistation exchange of bodily fluids).that would mean before the exams on bout sat or sun.me and farhan were studying below his block at kallang. So dear people what is the moral of the story?studying makes you SICK.

Ok that was a lame joke.but in all seriousness now,protect youself.i mean,eventhough it was my first time getting it(pple who get their 2nds usually can fight it), it brought me to my knees,what say can it do to you?

goodnight

curry,stupid cat, super and xiao kao

2005-06-24T14:55:00.000+08:00

My blog has had to endure a dearth of posts these holidays.not much events worth blogging about.In fact, i have been too preoccupied these past couple of days to get down on my computers and do some penning down.but after the return of my sis from blanga, which has yielded another member of the family.Somehow, by some miracle concieved by the god bastet, my sis actually managed to smuggle back into SINGAPORE a whole LIVE KITTEN.wtf la wtf.So much for post 911 terror alert. I mean SINGAPORE LEH SINGAPORE. it is understandable how she got through the blangadesh side but back here in "fine" city i still consider it nothing short of divine intervention by bastet.Probably the luckiest cat on Blanga, she has not been entitled a proper name yet.my sis likes to call it "xiao kao" for reasons unbeknown to the whole family, my dad likes to call it curry ,my mom calls it super and i prefer to call it stupid cat.

And seriously, nothing brings out the child in you more than a damn kitten.i have never seen my mom in such a playful state(she usually has other things to worry about) before and although my dad is by no means a very "mature" person(probably puberty cock-up,what kinda dad wants to race me the whole stretch along little india MRT exit A on a sunday afternoon?).it still is a rare spectacle to see him on all fours playing with our four-legged feline friend.I also have my own fair share of fun with it, and it likes chicken breast too!it can always be found near me when i have my meals.Will update on the status of stupid cat when time allows,right now all is good.

good afternoon

Brrrr.....

2005-06-13T22:11:00.000+08:00

Its hot in here...there must be some chilli in the atmosphere. Just had a homecoming from LTC. As usual, i had a ok time up to the point about the night before i leave.I do have a bad habit that saps my enthusiasm towards the end of any or this sort of camp or school-based happy campfire-singalong activity.My mind tends to be drift about too much for me to get caught up in the excitement of the moment,and just just before dinner i started thinking about going back to pasta , trng and studying.hiaz, i just cant bring myself to enjoy these kind of fleeting moments,or maybe i just can't accept that things can be this good and fantabulous.Anyway on a whole i thought it was a nice rest stop and i got to do some new stuffs like dragon-boating.One of the few sports that i really would like to hava a hand at one day,just due to its sheer challenge.Ahhh, 1 thing at a time la.

Memorable mentions include the campfire.Where i got one of my friends to be my guinae pig( i won't mention any names to prevent embarrassment now,right val?).I swear that theres no way in the blue hell i would have the guts to do that to anybody else .It was really out of my character,but hey,i needed to "feel" that moment as i wanna feel comfortable 2 months down the road where ill be in my trunks. so thanks again for helping me ! As noisy as everything was, i enjoyed the last night under the stars with my group in the peace and quiet, the only sound emmitting from the simple stumming of guitars resonating by me and anders.I hope you guys can derive as much joy from the music as i have playing it.I also had a fun time doing those high story shit like flying fox and wadeva else the name is la.Pity i missed the rock climbing competition though,i had a headache and decided to rest and take a small nap at the camp commandant room with val.My pick of the moment would have to be PT,pity the slight drizzle didnt abate in time for me to finish my session. i really devoured and savoured every moment of it and hope that my message reached across to everybody,sport or non-sport.

Well, it was fun while it lasted.This is not the end. It perhaps is not even the beginning of the end. But, is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.

goodnight

My dad thinks im gay

2005-06-07T01:36:00.000+08:00

The temptation to touch on this issue was too great to resist even at 1.50am.My dad thinks im gay! it began to pertube my old man when i brought home one of my friend(whose name i shall not disclose,so as to prevent embarrassment right adrian?).this friend of mine right, clean shaven, VERY white-skinned and he sported a ear-ring. very very aquaish la.so my dad was a little freaked out.anyway, just to clarify if anybody doubts my sexual prefernces, I'M straighter than an arrow.Seriously lar, is it so hard to tell?Am i so cloaked up that pple can't tell.or must i impregnant somebody to prove it.

Which makes me think, are we as complicated as we pervceived ourself to be? i always hear constant groans and moans from friends that people dun understand them,blablabla "im not understoo....nobody understands me".I never thought of teens to be so complicated nowadays,and definately nothing beyond our comprehension.i find it quite nonsensical.If you want pple to understand you, den just wear your heart on your sleeve la.I think that they are just a bunch of hypocrites who dare not taint their "friendly" image.I for one certainly have no qualms about tellling pple about myself.

It sounds more like desperate cry for empathy and attention if u ask me,the creation of a feeling in the other person that "Im a complicated fella,theres more to me then meets the eye"or "i have done some things which you never thought i could have done". PAH, c'mon lar JC onli nia, theres SO MUCH outside we have yet to know or see.

We may want our friends not to be losers and are well accomplished and is "somebody". ironically the best friends are probably the simplest and the ones that requires the least "understanding" needed.

goodnight

holidays and perhaps the end of the short-lived tribute

2005-05-29T23:18:00.000+08:00

Over the past 3 months have led me to a revalation. Whatever twisted forces are behind it, i have concluded that for a NORMAL indolent student( aka victorian) like myself,in order to excel in a subject in Junior College,it would be better off not to take it in the PAE.Before i get berated for the blinding lack of logic,this is just my viewpoint.i wonder if anybody has experienced the same thing? could be due to anxiety for missing the first 3 months or perhaps just a natural affinity to that particular subject. i don't know,but an inescapable is my new theory i would like to name the "notle theory", which states that there is a direct relationship between our understanding of a subject and the number of rows we sit from the front,and an indirect relationship between the amount of sleep obtained and the number of rows we sit from the front.in short, the more front we sit the greater our understanding of a topic and the less we sleep.holidays are coming, well sort of, the goddamn school has taken up our first week with god knows what, shouldn't we be mugging ourselves now, STOP IT! theres only an extent as to how much you can help us.i can probably go on the issue about how our holidays are taken up by schools and not really "holidays" but i think its reiterated to death and im more interested as to the cause, which i feel the only reason that this is happening is due to placing of our mid-yr exams at the superb conicidental timing of early july, straight after our holiday in june,therby forcing us to study even if it its the holidays.Its a conspiracy i tell you!I find it a great sacrilege to place exams after holidays, such a vile and morbid thought can only be concieved by adults and it defys all logic.shouldnt holidays be given AFTER exams to reward ourselves and unwind?why the fucking hell would you give it before a n exam?Either they are that nescient or is it done on purpose so as to devoid us of any pleasure during the holidays? i believe it to be the latter.i can just imagine the teachers smiling and saying ,"ok ! enjoy your holidays! but remember you have your exam the moment you step back in school!"or " here is your holiday, make sure you study hard"wa kao, sian zi pua,im not blaming teachers or anything, but this SUCKS.And when we lament on it the eternal answer is " no choice, exam after holidays". if you want to give us a holiday make it a proper one, not half-baked, it seems as if the govt has something against us not studying and enjoying ourself.This dumbass @#$% system screws up students who take their holidays SERIOUSLY and stop studying,causing them to fail in the exam.Teachers might say they were lazy,but i dun see them doing anything wrong, they just didnt do the "right" thing, is it wrong not to study in the holidays?.haha...ok i dun mean to be negative...since we cant do anything about it because we are too young and the govt always "listens" fullstop and yeah thats all they do.everybody let's just try our best for the coming exams.grow up, and make things right.

Who shall i talk about today?i don't know...the only reason i wrote about jack was because im sure he doesnt read my blog,and am finding it with great rigor to expose my thoughts about one of my friend,having him know about it and meeting him later on in the week. i am contemplating stopping the tribute section.i shall decide tomorrow.

goodnight

walk to forget and tribute part 1

2005-05-17T22:04:00.000+08:00

During those precious few moments where i have the luxury of reaching home around 7,i tend to find myself getting restless at home.Maybe its juz cos my body is rejecting the computer screen, T.V screen or wadeva other contraption with a screen.And it getting and more and more commonplace for me just to take a walk out of my house,usually to the stadium across my house but i did walked all the way to punggol park once.accssorised with only my mp3 player,i take this nonmeaningful walks.It gives me time to think about things i normally usually wouldnt have time to ,but sometimes nothing comes to my head and i juz hum along to the music.Whatever it is, i always find myself more fulfilled and energised then if i had stayed at home staring at the googlebox.I find this newfound habit of mine abit weird....i may be on the verge of taking loafing to a whole new playing field.haha.This brings me to wonder bout my dad, he hates staying around at home too and would rather eat at a coffeeshop instead of taking it away to eat it at home.Maybe his genes is kicking in.the most obvious trait which i have taken to him is my insouciant attitude towards my dressing and image.Oh no.

Anyway, after spending some time in my new school,things have more or less "stabilised",i have really begin to miss my secondary school friends and have come to agree and understand that the friends that i would probably keep in contact later on in life are those in secondary school.I thank god that my dad made me choose the single-sex school VS instead of the Anderson Mixed school which i wanted( for obvious reasons).I hope my friends have benefited from our crossing of paths as much as i have.So after 4 years,i would like to put them on a podim in my humble blog and starting from this blog, i will extol one friend per entry.

Jack- Also affectionately known as panda,his background was perhaps his most striking feature of him.growing up in 6th avenue,by an ironic twist of fate he landed up in VS and not ACSI. Rememberances of you mentioning how good ACSI was at the beginnning of sec 3 irked me greatly(got aircon so what?).i always had my reservations about him,especially his trustworthiness but in time grew to demolish any hint of those.under somewhat forced circumstances, he had to adapt his lifestyle to ours. i remember at the start eating at a hawker centre was something never fathom in his mind before and was strictly a no-no.Outings with him at orchard would leave me broke for the week.i must have been quite hard on him,at the back of my mind, i was adamant that he show me that he could live a the lifestyle of a normal HDB dwelling student and wasnt a stuck up rich s.o.b ,because i never really had a liking to ACSI type of people.I learnt an important lesson from him, and that was that he didn't "choose" to be rich,he was born normal just like all of us,only raised under different circumstances. So my dislike for rich kids lessen, i realise that if i were brought up under the same way as they did, i would probably have the same mindset as them(but i still cant stop myself hating their persnickety attitude).I also learnt of the materialistic nature of money from him.All in all, he has more than "proved" himself to me as a trustworthy friend that can be relied on and definately one worth keeping for the future.My only complaint up till now,hes fucking stingy with his money.I mean,since you are rolling in moolah,blanjah abit more la.Why so worried that we are trying to rip you off?haha

Goodnight.

39 days : Jie Jie Returns

2005-05-11T22:43:00.001+08:00

Probably have been riled by the constant replies to questions of where my sis is from friends or aquaintances. Typical typical typical conversation

"elton your sis now studying izit?"
"yar lor"
"where huh?"
"Ntu studying mass com,but now she is in Dhaka doing her internship"

The next few sentences are predicated on EVERYONE'S reply

"HUH? Where's that?"........here's a good one from one of my classmate,cant really remember who ...."HUH? Wheres that ? TAKASHIMAYA IZIT?"

"no...its in Blanga"

this will always be followed by incessent laughter.

"Why of all places go there?"
"Why cannot go there?". i will ask with that innocent and curious tone in my voice. this is where they pause for a moment to think why they just lauged.
"its like i mean......"
"what?" (waiting to be enlightened, probably peering at them with my eyes)
"Its backward and not developed..." they probably just realised they have no idea why they lauged at this point

"So?"

it usually stops here. The occasional mention of the place being unsafe comes about here and there,but i usually rebuke that with the mention that all jobs has its hazards.But it has come to my attention upon reflection too that my family has been endued with smashing luck thorougout my years around.No major maladies or any crisis too big too handle.I hope it continues for as long as ever.

Well , for the non-believers,shes returning in 39 days.Ask her yourself then.but i advise you to refrain from laughing.she can be quite THE bitch.Till then,ill continue to reside in 2 rooms in the house.

Her imminent return to 512 made me ponder momentarily.She hasnt always being the perfect idealistic sister. No gifts, no lovey dovey namby pamby sisterly shit.So in that sense, i don't particularly miss her.Instead of making me feel good about myself , she wipes the floor with my face. i always tended to be cocksure in the past.to which my dad will usually say "you're nothing". My sis would usually just roll her eyes and laugh. I was abit frustrated at the beginning i must confess,because the reception i got outside at school amd got back in my home sweet home was miles apart.I do not know how she views it, but i look at it from this perspective.She choosed to forsake a "lovey-dovey" "caring-comforting-consoling" "everybody could be happy and loving" type of big sister relationship with me so that i could improve constantly, thereby causing many arguments at times and making me hate her most of the time.I think that is noble and love of a totally different superior standard .I mean, its easy to love your sibling in the "conventional" way,but how many are willing to forsake that for the betterment of him/her? I can always rely on her to remind me that i am not that good yet,whether i am or not.

To her i am never good enough,thats why i am where i am right now.

So during this few months in her absence, i missed the "you are nothing" talks and frankly in school, i have yet to see any ideal role model that can remind me that " i am nothing"and worth looking up to.Thank goodness for YMBBA,which is my only saving grace.Come back quick,so you can bring me down to earth again, even i myself do not know if i have had lift-off.

goodnight

Mechanist Modus Vivendi

2005-05-04T22:58:00.000+08:00

At the point of blogging, my second draft of my P.I has just been copied and pasted.I was fortunate enough to chance upon an interesting article in the web, though part of the credit must be accounted to my resourcefulness...haha.ANYWAY, i am just grateful to be able to push aside that infernal,time-squandering entity known as PW.

how concidental and ironic it seems then, that the problem i brought up in my P.I goes directly against the nature of what P.I is meant to be all cracked up to be.Namely, the boring and routine nature of JC life. I do have knowledge of a few of my friends who are showing signs of cracking under the immense burden of our JC education system, and i too feel the heat. this routine system seems to be coercing all the creativity out of my body.I do not know how others feel, but the tiring nature and almost zombie-like state in which i approach the days seems to be voiding me of any hint of creativity.Hey, isnt that what PI is suppose to promote, creativity?

My wrist is really a pain now.not specifically in the literal sense, but its impeding my progress as i find it impossible working out my arms.i rested it for 2 weeks ,with great difficulty i may add, but as soon as i worked out after the pain had seemingly disappeared ,i felt the same ol' same ol' pain returning the next day,and now the scene seems to be replaying itself. i would like to ask readers of my blog if they know of any sinseh or reputable doctor worth recommanding that may help me solve this ailment of mine.

goodnight

HOT HOT HOT

2005-04-26T23:07:00.000+08:00

Im hot,the weather's even hotter.and my air-con has chosen to break down at this untoward time.To prevent any futher heat loss,Im down to my last article of clothing (an image is envisioned...). haha, sorry if i caused any disgorgement of your dinner.The notion of sleeping au natruel does play around in my mind.(i apologise once again)

goodnight.

Fear and submission

2005-04-24T00:39:00.000+08:00

My disdain for our education system has officialy reached a new record high.My future is not to be ordained if i should get retain or heck,even fail my A levels.Fucking up now doesn't mean we'll fuck up forever.When can they stop infusing our gray matter with that codswallop?The treatment started in primary school."Get into a good Secondary School,otherwise your future is screwed up." "It is very important to get into a Good JC."" Don't screw up your As, otherwise when you get out of army, you will be screwed up".Our principal's talk,while justifiably a good source of motivation, is in fact, just another regular administration of that sedative into our system to keep us in check.Pray tell me then,what happen to the minority of our youth who are as so aptly put "screwed up". Warn us yes you should, advise us,by all means,but do not ever label us for future reference.Singapore doesnt have one of the highest teen suicide rates in the world for nothing.Anybody who said that those people who commited self deliverance because of their results are stupid and foolish,be it for the Os or even our PSLE should be sent down to hellfire and brimstone.it is a crying shame,but it stemmed down from the fear that nipped at the heels of the student every step of the way.hate the sin, love the sinner? For the majority of us,it is a good thing in the sense that the fear pushes us(albeit abit blindly) and we get through it.But for those cursed students who for even if their live depended on it, can't memorise half-equations or Sigma formulas,what is to be of them?hope is unfounded,hopelessness prevails and the notion that once u are that,thats all you are is etched firmly in the mind.

As soon as you're born they make you feel small
By giving you no time instead of it all
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all
A working class hero is something to be

They hurt you at home and they hit you at school
They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool
Till you're so fucking crazy you can't follow their rules
A working class hero is something to be

When they've tortured and scared you for twenty-odd years
Then they expect you to pick a career
When you can't really function you're so full of fear
A working class hero is something to be

Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV
And you think you're so clever and classless and free
But you're still fucking peasants as far as I can see
A working class hero is something to be

There's room at the top they're telling you still
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill
If you want to be like the folks on the hill
A working class hero is something to be
If you want to be a hero well just follow me

goodnight.

Nascence

2005-04-15T00:47:00.000+08:00

Make that 6 guys. Abraham just decided to dwindle our gender ratio to 1:4 due to his inauspicious timing of his french classes.expect more of such interminable lessons and lectures,days starting at 7.30 and 5 should be now modus operandi.Barely a week has passed , but i now feel well and truely drained,or at least i'm just more jaded then the norm.to my friends and pple who i may have seemed indifferent to or acerbated , i apologise.I'm not going to lament on how busy life is,most of you already know that,and it wont get me anywhere.but i would be interested in a source of motivation or "energy" to keep me pushing myself.any suggestions?

My last post seemed to have caused a misunderstanding.Some have interpreted my advert as a feeble attempt to hook myself up with my dream girl who will suddenly,somehow,stumble upon my blog,and somehow contact me.If i wanted to do that,i would approach S.D.U(single,desperate and ugly) for assitance.Therefore,i implore you to vanish the thought that i am love sick,because i can say for certain that i have not known any of the opposite sex well enough to develop any form of feelings deemed "appropraite" to justify me loving anybody.

"inappropraite" forms of feelings, are of course felt by me 24/7. haha

goodnight

Speaking Of Random Ramblings

2005-04-10T02:01:00.000+08:00

Quite a few events have gone and passed ,opportunities presented and FINALLY classes and lessons have started proper. It seems that Bio and the opposite sex has a certain affinity, evident in my class which consists of only 7 guys. One of which is an enthu st pats kia(prolly one of their top students).I mean seriously,who volunteers immediatly to be cg rep? such was his vehemency in the way his hand shot up that it was akin to his arm-pit catching fire when teacher prompted us. And he gets so stressed when he cant remember the classmates name,as if we will be OH SO DISAPPOINTED if he couldnt remember it,and it was his divine right to do so.If i was still in VS,the only name that i would have the faintest hint of interest in would be his dad's and mom's. haha.But i trust myself to get along with this class and even this cg rep.I will refrain from talking about subjective issues unless im close to the person and play the popularity game to the best of my ability and with as much elan as i can muster.

Speaking of which,it has come to my attention that most students find me arrogant and unsociable at first sight, and some actually look down on me.This phenomenen perplexes and enthralls me as much as why mosquitoes cant suck all the blood the desire in a single time,instead opting to take multiple bites, consequently inciting me to pray for the eternal damnation of this blood-sucking,pestilence-causing culicidaes . anyway, we wouldnt want yours truely to be besmirched now would we? So with the help of the web,im going to indulge in abit of shameless self-advertising here. I do not belive myself to be a stuck-up unsociable snob nor a benign ignoramous. But i do exercise restraint upon meeting a person for a first time. i will be honest, and instead just choose to omit certain things i would rather normally say,instead of saying things you would want to hear as i am against that.My interpersonal skills may not be that of a person running for councillor, but im confident i make pretty decent company. Im not here to be Mr Popular,i have too much on my plate to conjure up the image , and i have to answer myself at the end of the day.

I do not want to end up pleasing everybody but myself.

Heres an interesting quote from my sister's friend , who perhaps like me has abit of a PR problem, :"If the people matter,they won't mind.If they mind ,then they don't matter"

As for those who looks down on me, i cant even be bothered to type out what i think of you. i know im good enough for myself.

Speaking of plate, it seems to be perpetually filled with Grilled chicken breast and potatoes. I have just started my trng at delta and life is going to 3 words , busy ,busy, busy.Looks like i should be careful wad i wish for,lol.i intend to push myself as hard as i can, then see how things go. I figured that i can always drop something later if i can't cope, rather then regret later not trying. It was a memorable first trng for me. For once, i was the SMALL fry in the gym. I always knew that there were people better then me, but they somehow eluded me all the time and i coulndt find them, well, at least untill now. This will be a long-awaited source of motivation and fuel for my love of the sport.

Speaking of love,it seems to be in the air among some of my friends.one of the LIMS has apparently got something going with his ogl....wish you good luck.This first 3 months have proven rather fruitless in my love life,perhaps im fated to bachelor,but that would be a horrible thought to profer.I guess im just that darn bloody finicky and choosy. So once again im going to advertise since i dun think i will ever be actively looking.

WANTED: soulmate to explore the world with me free and easy and on a budget.

Well, the first problem is that i strongly feel that most parents wouldnt subject their daughters to such dangers.I realised i really wanted to experience (not see) the world when i picked my dad up at the airport.

Qualifications: 1.Must be adventourous and the type that likes to explore,girls who like to sit at
Home need not apply

2. Must know how to appreciate the simpler things of life.

3.Passionate(in every sense of the word)

4.Constantly self-improving and not content to laze at home

Preferbly with big-bambi eyes,a nice bod and still retain a sense of innocence Somewhat(i do have a small weakness for girls who "act cute").These are purely superficial,but what the heck.

Of course the last part is purely bullcrap and should by no accounts be taken seriously, as my title states, just ramblings. But i do think that i would like to see the first four qualities in a girl.but then again, i would be lying if i said i understood what is love and the chemisty behind it.So ill just leave it at that and let nature work in its mysterious way. hopefully the cupid shoots the right arrow. theres alot of thing i want to dwell on sommore but its getting late,so ill leave it for later.

goodnight

Start of School!(again)

2005-03-30T23:10:00.000+08:00

today was the last day of our orientation.Last place however,on this occasion, was reserved for another dismayed house this time round.The past 2 days has been kinda a dream...or at least i couldn't for my life make any sense of it.it was opaque,equivocal, misleading in a way.out of character it may seem,but honestly i cant wait to get back to "reality" and start my lessons going.I really just couldnt enjoy myself and get into the spirit of things when i know and was mentally preparing myself for what was coming ahead.

Health and Fitness was the choice i made as my cca.The "activities" (or rather lack thereof), made my desicion childishly simple to make. another plus point is that Adrian a.k.a wanker and Hong Jing will be joining me.we are definately looking forward to sessions of yoga,pilates and paintball together. As a result of the choice being so easy to choose,i had spare time to appreciate the anotomy of the opposite sex at the dance booth.one of the dancers had a gluteus that imho, could occupy the seat on my lap any day of the week.Although this opinion is not shared by nearly everybody , i will not bow to the pressure that my "taste" is "haywired", and instead retain my "haywired" buds and feel fulfilled in the fact that since most pple would taste wad i taste sweet to be sour,i can have the food all to myself. :D

Digressing , i really laud my ogls(juren,adeline and nicole) for putting in so much effort into attempting to make it a success,especially since i think most of them had no leadership experience or experience in organising masses of 17 yr olds.I was particularly ticked off at 2 OGLs whose names i shall not mentioned.Please spare me your holier than thou attitude. u guys are OGLs only by virtue of the fact that u handed in a form,nothing else.I usually abstain from pointing out other's mistakes if it is not in my interest ,because most of the OGLs can't be bothered to listen anyway.but since my friend's welfare was in question this time round,i made a rare execption.When i tell u to ice that wound,YOU JOLLY WELL LISTEN AND DUN INSTEAD PUT GODDAMN DEEP HEAT JUST BECAUSE U ARE A FUCKING YEAR 2.argg, i just don't know how to convince them,seems that i must be an OGL too. The other OGL, didn't take my advice and ended up messing up a segment . I may not look like a musical fella,and im definately not out for credit,but since i cherograph the dance and selected the music,i do want it to turn out sweet.So when i tell you wad are the important parts to look out for during transition phases,YOU JOLLY WELL LISTEN AND DUN GIVE ME THE CRAP THAT IT IS EASY AND THAT THE BEAT ISNT IMPT,BECAUSE WHEN I TELL U TO COUNT IN 1234-2234 instead of 1234-5678 I HAVE MY REASONS.

Anyway, the whole orientation reinforced my faith in my own abilities upon observing the OGL's.

Goodnight

Transit Stop

2005-03-23T00:22:00.000+08:00

Another reason was found this past week to mull around at home, consorting with friends at our new fave location, hougang plaza. Hoodlums though aplenty , it has all the entertainment facilities adequete and budget enough to replace my wanderlust. The sense of familiarity plays a part as well , it indeed is "heartland". My blog has had to endure a dearth of posts this past week, although it was a holiday. i can only reach the conclusion that the more free time available at my hands, the lazier i get.

Then the question begs,not to me but to everyone else, when can we get down to business?

Most people may not have come to the realization,but a quarter of the year has flew by.Almost an eternity by JC standards.Damn the govt for not implementing the policy of doing away with BULLSHIT pae in our year. The feeling of disgorging fills my guts everytime i reminisce about my first 3 months. I feel on a personal level that i have acheived a big fat rounded zero.nada.zip.It seems that this 3 months were there just to occupy our time. typically singaporean, my finger points in the direction of the govt. on the flip side, i may have done things of criminal nature should i have been allowed to go without school due to extreme bordem. But the idea of changing schools at a day's notice is absurd. how bout those appeal cases? i simply cannot comprehend the complete and blinding stupidity of attending one school's orientation,only to be posted to another next week.

This may be a double-edged sword. It eliminates all sense of comfort that have culminated during this past 3 months and shoves into a complete new environment.it makes one wonder if the government were ever teens before. We may hate it, sentimental s.n.a.gs may loath it. but then again,it helps us to become more adaptive,more better equp to handle changes for the future,though i doubt it is the motive of such a system.

It could spell trouble for keeping talent in spore next time though,when the sense of belonging has eroded and changing environtment has become a thing of 2nd nature to our generation.We are too "adaptive",we lose our quote" roots" unquote , and suddenly migrating is not a very difficult decision at all. Sentimentality is still that important.

i do not know bout others,but i reckon like me,most treated this 3 months as a sorta transit stop. The air was noisome with uncertainty over our future,and hence we never commited,never trusted and always swept everything under the rug. does"aiya, first 3 months only,, never mind one la" ring a bell? hence the only person who could sit in the driver's and get their engines flowing with fuel were either only soothsayers who could predict their results or disillusioned crackpots.

Posting was released today not at 8 as published but at 730.bldy bok rang my hp at 9 in the morning when i was still having my forty winks.it could have been worse,apparently,xl called ws at 730. it would come as a shock to me if he wasnt the first to managed to access the site.

goodnight

No more CCA

2005-03-14T12:11:00.000+08:00

1. Singapore must be an arts nation-Esplanade built to promote the arts
2.Singapore must be a sporting nation-Sports School built

Isn't it astounding that the govt seems to think money will change the fundametal basis of our thinking and lifestyle?

3.CCA now no longer impt.

Anyhow,they seemed to have get a vauge grasp of it.Now CCA is no longer important in the entry criteria to NTU or NUS.They have finaly realized that we were doing it just for that,entering the UNI. Forced community work? that'll be a laugh.Maybe they will realize one day that money and incentives are not the way to go,especially in something as intricate as "developing cultured" people,it will never acheive its purpose.

Seemingly friends,we dance the deadly tango of love,averting all signals,not lying,not cheating, but simply omitting the truth.

good afternoon.

Million dollar baby

2005-03-08T06:02:00.000+08:00

The notion raised in the film that "people die everyday thinking they didn't get their one shot in life" grabbed me by the collar and delivered a sucker-punch.

Therein lies a impending question,what is my shot?

I liked it for its unorthadox ending.No championship title of the world,a suicide, and a lonely old man left.But was it to an unhappy one?
Maggie had her shot at life.

Quote from film,:"its the magic of risking everything that nobody sees but you."

worry wart

2005-03-03T00:29:00.000+08:00

When it was all said and done, perfection was still an essential prerequesite.

8 points-worry bout RJ
9/10 points-worry bout VJ
10-12 points-worry bout TJ
13-14 points-Worry bout AJ
15-20 points-Worry .

20+ points-No point worrying now is there?

To a concerned friend who simply cant understand why anybody would consider giving up the chance into appealing into TJ.you are probably perplexed as to why we would give up for academic nirvana,for something as pittance as our CCA or whatnot.There is more to life than getting into good JCs and placing emphasis on academic well being,i view JC as something that has to gotten over quickly and done with,never ever bothering about where it should be done.i do not make the measure of a man by the JC he had been to or the As he has scored,that is immaterial.i shall not assume,but i personally feel that your scope of the youth of singapore is too narrow and that you do not have enough knowledge of people other then "VS" folks who are JC-bound,that is not your fault to say the least as the segregation is clearly evident since primary school.that is sadly how our society works.and at the end of the line, am not bothered by so much as my score,as i never had the passion for it anyway,scoring 4 As would be rather meaningless to me. rather the place it will take me to is the only reason why i'll do it.Because i owe it to myself to pursue my interest in the future.Many things are done by us without knowing why, but we still do it anyway.

i however appreciate your goodwill and know that you have everybody's good welfare at heart,and will take your advice into serious consideration.

We live our lives making compromises,each time little by little,since we were a child,soon we forget who we are.There is a fine line between making the "smart" choice and following your heart.Sporeans sadly choose most of the time to do the former.

sometimes when you feel,you shouldn't think too much.

goodnight

i smell a dragon rat

2005-03-01T00:31:00.000+08:00

10 years of education bore its fruit today.Tears were spilt,laughter was shared in unison at all secondary school across singapore.i got 12 points,viewed from a normal perspective isnt all too shabby.but throw in the fact tt 60% of my cohort scored 11 and below,coupled with the fact that my result is now stuck in a rut, it really puts me in a spot.The next move will be of paramount importance,and given the maelstrom of emotions racing across my cerebrum,clearly i will require all help and advice at my disposal to calculate my next plan of action in this game of life.

The poly path is still very viable and a trump card well worth playing.however im slowly beginning to realise that the recent hype and ho-ha bout poly could be more than meets the eye. Never before has the poly advertising campaign been such an aggresive one.From "personalized" letters to pictures of pretty girls waiting to welcome you should u happen to join that particular poly,surely the allure of flesh and the promise of "good career propects" in every course(as so blantly stated in the booklets for every course) will not be potent enough to sway the mind of our youngsters? Or could it,if so objurgations is clearly in line.And isnt it abit of a coincidence that large quantity of the newspaper reports pertaining to education are about painting Polys in a good light and articles such as "its easier to go to uni from poly" and so forth.Just today there was a 3 page special on temasek poly. The fact that this is the grand dragon year should remain firmly in our mind,though i am a rabbit,i am stuck in this dragon year and have to continue to live my life.......albeit with 15000 more people contesting with me everystep of the way. I reckoned the govt has coerce the poly and media to step up its advertising campaign so as to ease the competition to JCs this year due to the sudden influx of excess students............and suddenly, poly doesnt seem all that it was cracked up to be. perhaps paranoia has set into me.

goodnight.

bun-luck

2005-02-27T22:33:00.000+08:00

Hope you don't get it.

goodluck and goodnight.

Replay

2005-02-26T01:30:00.000+08:00

The elton of yesteryear shall get a re-run starting the following week.no more time wasting, money wasting and wandering about aimlessly in town like a loafer without a hint of what i want for myself.

goodnight

3.30

2005-02-21T22:53:00.001+08:00

Maybe soccer has a hard-core fan in Esther Lai,or it was the same forces that connived to place CNY and valentine's day so close to each other(hence my unusual generosity)but whatever powers unbeknown to us which might play a part in this,meridian has graciously decided to forgo its pupils the agony of tutorials,lectures for thursday and friday.Wednesday has been reduced to a less-than-a-half day, with only p.e and recess.since only a moron would consider waking up at half-past six to attend 2 periods of classes,we have in effect 3 days of holidays(it seems any day without school exluding weekends is considered that).with a stroke of luck,these same few days feature the last-16 teams of the champions league, constantly shown at ungodly hours,finally the luxury of sleeping in my bed not on a desk will be mine.

Goodnight

dedication

2005-02-20T01:52:00.000+08:00

As per requested,here is to you vanessa,AN ENTIRE ENTRY too!im a nice guy right?
reciprocation is expected.

Escapism From The Comfort Zone

2005-02-20T00:16:00.000+08:00

On the night Chingay featured techno music ,truely showing signs of multi-racialism,but also of ignorance in the quest of an "ideal" as i am sure majority of the 1000-odd crowd swinging away to the tempo of "who let the dogs out" hadn't the foggiest idea what chingay was all about, except that orchard road was closed and that bon bons were shaking.as me,yj,bt,wei siang and bok was perched atop wisma,eyes ever so sharp.faux pas were commited aplenty,with old aunties dancing along the sidewalk as well as the "lady in black".don't accuse me of lacking "spirit" ,but the sidewalk beside indochine for certain isnt a place to twirl around alone.

On the way home via NEL after an argy bargy on whether the night should be spent at brian's abode at pasir ris,yj prompted me to think of THE question.THE question which has been etched at the back of my mind for a long time, and im confident many of my peers as well.

Poly or JC?

On one hand, follow the decorated and brightly-lit path, the JC track.or follow the less "illustrious" and more "risky" path into poly.as i ponder the question that would very much dictate the future, i keep swaying between the jc and the poly path.but how much of my reasoning to go poly is valid? perhaps is just my innate rebellion telling me to be different? on the flip side,it could be my unwillingness to face head-on jc life and run on the seemingly easier track that is poly,which i know is not.this shall reqiure alot more occupance of my post-bedtime reflections.

Nah, i don't think so.To me,its the fear of experiencing something new,but nevertheless more realsitic and more relavant to my future.JC life has become routine,it has become predictable,it has become familiar,it VERY much resembles secondary school,it has become....."safe".the concept of a vast campus,a whole new learning system,a whole new deviation from my pri,sec education system scares the willies out of me.10 years is not a short time mind you. i do feel , however , that the system employed and utilized by poly's is alot more relavant to our everyday working life, and that sooner rather than later would be a good time to make the jump.

The fear of change may very well cloud my judgement.

que sera sera,whatever will be,will be.

goodnight.

For you

2005-02-15T23:25:00.000+08:00

This music video is for you jack.cliched yes i do realise,you probably hear it at every single graduation.but in a time when bands only can sing bout "love" or "teenage romances".this song is still the most apt.lol,it isnt used everywhere without a reason!

Friends For as long as we can remember each other.because forever is a misunderstood word.and empty promises is one which i don't make.

hey,hey,hey.....goodbye

2005-02-15T21:29:00.000+08:00

A whole day was dedicated to our beloved friend,Wong Yew Jack,who has left our sunny island for down under for further education at Trinity College.While i turned up rather empty handed,only to be further embarrassed by other friends offering farewell gifts(i confess that it can be accounted to my lazy trait and the overly ambitious attempt).However,i do leave him with 3 parting advices,which should you forget,can always return to this entry to refresh your memmory.

1. don't do anything that lands you with the cops,anything is only an offence if you are caught

2.don't do drugs

3.don't get too frisky(though you're endangered) and get somebody pregnent

look out for yourself there,nobody else will.

Jack wasn't the only person leaving for aussieland,apparently Trinity College has some form of ties with Spore.T2 was squirming with people,marjority of which were acsi rich dicks.the woebegone visage of the crowd would make a passerby assumed that a contingent of SAF trainess were going for a humanitarian mission to Afganistan of Iraq .i never realised singaporeans are so emotional, i didnt think it was a deal of garantuan proportion,ergo ,another reason for my empty-handedness.you'll be back in 2 or 3 months.ill get the gift ready next time promise.

come back quick,but not empty handed.

I caught constantine today at Lido(orchard again).taking a leaf out of Dan Brown,the director has mixed action,slick-as-ice and bad-boy keanu reeves into a pot,and thrown in a dash of what i would like to call,"unconventional religion".for some incomprehensible reason,it seems to grab everyone's attention and imagination.I don't particularly think that the da vinci code is popular due to its writing,but the author's audacity to question what we would rather take as "conventional wisdom" about anything,in this case religion and has doubted it,albeit with alot of backlash.Despite his brilliant writing skills,i am more astonished at the fact that he has received quite little trouble for so blatantly going against what has been accepted for so long.Dan Brown seems to have hit on a winning formula,and i can anticipate many books and movies to come which dabbles with religion and satan and whatnot.

Dan may be a hero of some sort.the person who stood up when all else sat.taking the granted and frowning upon it.dependent on the viewer,this kind of person may be a saviour or a destroyer.the govt definately wouldn't want such a person around.but we are so in need of such people,who dares to defy and question that which we have taken for granted,that which has kept us in check for so long.

Or perhaps he knows that it will make him a quick buck.haha.

goodnight and bon voyage

I do I do

2005-02-13T22:35:00.000+08:00

I caught this movie today at TM.probably one of the most prolific directors in spore,or maybe it can be accredited to him being the only one....haha.what a show! Jack Neo's brilliance lies in his uncanny ability to project slices of realistic normal singapore scenarios.i was left in stitches,surely everyone else in the theatre was.Hilarious to any full-blooded singaporean with its "pck hokkien" humor,the comedy segment only scratched the surface of Jack Neo's talent.Look beyond the farce and the facade and u will realise nearly every scene had a hidden message that may ruffle a few of the lao lee and co.'s feathers.every dialogue had a hidden message and poked fun at everyday singaporean lifestyle.none more obvious then the "answering machine" scene,where callers to our well-known 999 were entertained by an answering machine.other more light-hearted moments were the MP scene where jack neo dangerously treaded into unknown waters by commenting on the government's redrawing of the constituency boundries and the very glaring lack of any strong opposition to the current government.Singlish also featured lightly in the background with our chinese and hokkien speaking ang moh english teacher(yes,thats right) which played adrian's love interest.

A whole new genre of movie may have been inexplicably and unintentionally by jack . other then a good laugh and political innuedos,his movies serve as a good reminder to sinagporeans of who we really are,in a time when westernization is becoming more and more aggressive,especially to teens like me.his unbashful use of hokkien and singlish shows his originality and his promise to keep with his movie "singapore.

Tomorrow will be an interesting day for me.i will be celebrating,althought somewhat haphazardly, valentine's day for the first time in a mixed school.i plan to soak in the atmosphere in this day of love and romance,and how can i forget about rose-carrying guys?! those will be a good laugh too.hope to spot some on the bus.woe be him if he's my friend.

goodnight and once again happy valentine's day

The Big V Day

2005-02-12T03:44:00.000+08:00

I would like to announce with great fanfare and ceremony that i will NOT be allowing my valentine day this year to go to waste worshipping the google-box back in the confines of my home as i have done in the past 16 years whilst florists rips off every couple trying to capture the spirit of valentine's day which has sadly,turned into a commercialized fiasco.Although not spent in the conventional method ala chocolates,roses etc. ,etc. .it will nontheless be more meaningful then any other valentine's day i could ever wish to have(not to mention my ang pao money spared).

Cupids-a-flying,cashregisters-a-ringing.Yes people , its saturday ,2 more days to go some may get desperate,some may get panicky,some may advertise subtly by lamenting to everybody and anybody who is willing to lend a listening ear on the dearth of invites this year,sounds familiar?. But some others like me, may choose to seek the solace and company of my friends.As we revel in the knowledge that a true relationship is built on a foundation that has stood the test of time and endured 4 years of ups, downs, lefts, rights and hell , even in betweens as well. This can never be compared to a 2 week fling started with "oi wanna stead?".Some love-purists may cry murder.Pah,ill refute and smack away any rebutt with a sharapova backhand. Raise the fact that im a failure in the game of "love" and i'll probably agree,but this kinda "game" is probably one that i can give a miss.

Goodnight and Happy Valentine's Day

Under The Weather

2005-02-10T01:17:00.000+08:00

The god of fortune obviously decided to give unit #09-69 at blk 512 a miss this year.It began on the night of the 8th.the cold draft of air from my air-conditioner coupled with my preference of sleeping au naturel probably did the trick.i knew trouble was becknoning when i failed to vocally succeed the high note of the chorus of "forever love" the following morning after awakening.a blocked nose arrived shortly and the next day i was K.Oed with a full blown battery of nasty viruses,which included flu,runny nose,sore throat.

That next day so happened to be chinese new year.I would first like to apologise for my listlessness and apparent lack of interest in anything other then red paper bags containing money, especially to elsa who was super hyper.but on this day when prata seems to be the only available food on sale at coffeeshops , i really couldn't pull myself together, my mind was either a blank or preoccupied with some relationship"question mark" that i had the day before.i do sure hope things will clear itself up soon and a chance can be taken.As this is consuming a good amount of my waking moments.

Oh yeah,before it slips my mind.thanks to jia yi(gamer girl) and singhui(guillible girl) for your presents.it was sweet given your time constraints.

goodnight and a happy chinese new year!

Second Childhood Halfway Through My First

2005-02-07T13:20:00.000+08:00

Fufulling my weekly visit to my grandma's tonight,i had a good look back at the place where i played with my cousins , humbly offered my soul (and many hours of worship) to the entity that was the Nintendo Entertainment System.The sancutary which i grew up playing have now been taken for granted by me after all these years.The 2 tykes somehow jolted the slumbering child back in my head and i reminisce about my childhood.they are beginning to start to talk in a language no longer confined to their parent's comprehension,and hearing them talk with their innocence and that glint of eagerness(more of mischiviousness in this case),i begin to see more of myself in them.i would give nearly anything to return to such a state(theres even that baby complexion to boot),ignorance sure was bliss.

"Every child is an artist.The problem is remaining an artist when he grows up."

Isnt it ironic that as teens we want so much to grow up quickly only to yearn for our childhood later on in life.youth is such wonderful thing, what a travesty to waste it on children.

Thanks for the cake o5S215,i may not look the part,but i really appreciate it,especially from jane,it reinforced the faith in me that you are a nice girl with just a penchant for irritating me once in a while :),thx for buying it kai jia,not forgetting the rest too,pardon the exclusion of your names but i cant possibly write out all.I'll try that so much harder not to forget your bdaes pple,no matter when it is.

goodnight.

surrender to the simplicity of singapore life

2005-02-05T22:39:00.001+08:00

i think singaporean teen leisure life can be summed up in one word:Orchard.as much as i keep trying to find new places to hang out,the lure of the ease of not needing to plan anything and because of peer pressure i inevitably end up along that famous stretch in singapore.Sentosa seems too tiring for my friends...bleah.i find myslef going to orchard more often than not.wa sian zi pua.c'mon guys, more variety!today it was packed tighter den bryant's deck of cards,so sickening. zi rui has said that i have "changed",it seems i'm more "in" now.haha,no i have not.its just that i wont impose my decisions on you guys and have you hear me nag now that we meet up once a week.but i think i will soon.orchard is sucking the diversity out of me.

school is getting pretty routine.go,copy,exercise,eat,online,sleep.repeat.tutorials are a major bitch,i keep telling myself its like only four subjects compared to last time 8,how can it be so tough? den i realised that last time we had like 1 piece of hw per subject per week,now its like every lesson there will be a new piece of work.

As we are faced with moral dillemas each day,i encountered one which was deceivingly simple at first.on one hand,tell the truth to a stranger about a friend,on the other be a sporean and bochup."i don't knew shit"seems to be the easiest way out.but tears and persistance make for a strong brew for a truth potion.how did i get myself in that position?
maybe the white knight in shining armor i envisioned myself to be is just an illusion?scaly its a trap.i dont know whether it is worth the plunge.

Backstabber or Truthbearer?

happy bdae to the feb pple.farhan the 5th,doreyappa the 6th,kee yew the 7th and me the 8th. it really is a nice conicidence.

goodnight

Keeping my mouth shut.

2005-01-31T23:16:00.000+08:00

Today was a so-so day.we had a P.E lecture.wth,the told us abt the history of P.E.probably one of the chaotic lectures i ever attended.who gives a damn when P.E started? and about the sexist schools of the past?well,it was fun anyways,better then running 2.4 . after that i went for some exercise at the gym den completed half my gp essay.i really didnt have enough time.

i learnt an impt lesson today,that sometimes things must take its own course.you cant let a baby appreciate wine.so ive decided today to stop doing wad i did to a person i had an online chat with.Im sorry,just forget wad i said.hope you'll understand in the future.this kind of conversations get ugly real fast although i try my best not to make it.ah well,sell no wine untill it is time.

on a side note,im getting really interested in singaporean teens blogs.its amazing how they write diffently and act differently in real life,kinda makes me wonder whats their real persona,and if so, why hide it up?maybe its for the "mysterious" or "intellectual"image...haha i wouldn't know.our life has too much lies and deceit as such.

goodnite

Angels,mortals ,demons and a goddamn road race

2005-01-30T02:04:00.000+08:00

I used to think that those class interaction games were a waste of time.enter angel and mortals. never has such a game gotten under my skin SO much.perhaps its because my angel is real nice,i suspect its a girl because if a guy wrote the way it was written den i shld be very very worried. my angel wrote all my letters INVERTED.that means i have to practically use a mirror to read it.wow, i'm impressed.i even got a hershey cookie's and cream bar to boot.howzat for an angel? my mortal on the other hand, should be a demon instead.i'll spare the details.haha.

yesterday was probably the most humuliating day of my life.the great mj road run.i was told to wear red,and red was wad i wore.but wads wrong with running shorts and my old track single? y was i the ONLY person decked in that goddamn outfit.y did EVERYBODY wear the house t-shirt and p.e shorts?argggg.no choice lar,had to run,actually intended to walk.after that i went home and took a shower to cleanse my body from all the humuliation i went through.went for dinner and played pool at tampines mall with bok,peng,zheng cai,ws,bt and met 2 new friends there vanessa and wen ee.

i keep thinking to myself that wad i did was ok but it seems that i am getting more and more self-conscious.i keep trying to tell myself wad i wore was OK but the doubt is still there.it shows i'm still only human.for once,i hoped that i could look like a normal-sized teen.freakdom here i come.

i build my body to carry my brains.

goodnight.

Lessons learnt from but not taught by teachers

2005-01-26T21:56:00.000+08:00

im going to break down soon.

i can sense it,its like a gnawing sensation that i feel in my chest.Too many late nights,too little sleep,and a dearth of food is a sure recipe to get sick,except unlike a cold or flu which u get from friends(?) suddenly,it slowly eats into you,and then deals you a fever as a finale to whack u into your senses to get some very important rest.i've been fooling too long around with my body to ignore it this time.thats why i intend to sleep at 10 tonight to get some much sought-after sleep. although i know that i cant make up for the past days lost sleep in one night, it will serve no purpose physically , and that i will still sleep in class tomorrow, at least i will feel better and more reassured.and isnt that wad life is all about?feeling good and being happy.

today i learnt more about our teachers and their temperment.Rambo didnt scold me today,cant say the same for gina.poor girl,i think she got quite a earful from rambo.i think gina made the mistake i did in the past.technically,she didnt do anything wrong,but the simplest things like the WAY u look while being scolded can determine whether you are an attitude problem kid or are just a blur fuck who made an honest mistake in the eyes of the teacher.in this case,i think it also determined her fate for future P.E lessons.i feel quite bad that i didnt get scolded,i didnt even have an m.c while she did.

but i DID get a shelling by my chinese teacher today for what else? sleeping in class.lol. funny thing was,the 2 persons on my right,gina and fabian were soundly off in london too,but apparently, the teacher only spotted me.maybe i was snoring? or maybe it was becuase i was stupid to choose the middle seat of the first row.Zhengcai accredits this injustice to the sleeping (quote) "skills" (unquote) that the others had and which i desire so much to possess. i usually stay out of trouble or at least try to.she caught me once sleeping and joked with me about wad i did last night.but the 2nd time caught me off guard completely and she had a 180 degree mood swing.hmmm...reminds me of somebody.i suddenly crave fishballs.

these kinds of lessons learnt from but not taught by teachers are very singnificant to me.to me the most important lessons in class are taught unknowingly and its up to you to learn them.

oh well,life's little lessons.

broken record

2005-01-24T23:45:00.000+08:00

today something happened i thought would never.bio lecture was my first period,and in my 10 plus years of education,i've yet to sleep in the first period of any class,today was the FIRST time ever,congrats miss neo, u have really outdone urself! i liked bio in sec school,but i can't say the same for now.its boring,uninspiring and hard to understand.the tutorials are abit kee siao also.

chem lecture was next.tt joker mr rahman,everytime he tries to be fierce,everybody laughs, wad a sad case.he never admits he is in the wrong,especially with so many typos in his notes, but he is a nice bloke.i asked him a question and then he asked me to stay back later to explain to me.before i could get to him he had already left the theatre.wth.he didnt even wait for me!

today i decided to join health and fitness.other then "personal" reasons,the gym is really a place i feel comfortable with.so sad that i couldn't join soccer.the heart was willing but the flesh was weak,namly the flesh around my calf.ok maybe it was to do abit bout laziness but i dont think so,i really do like to play.gym was packed today,canoe and the throwers had trng in the gym.i'm really impressed by the maintanece of the gym,the floor is spotless and the equipment are really well maintained maybe except for some oiling needed to be done here and there.

me and ws went for dinner after that at grandma's house.the twin terrors reuben and reagan are really getting destructive and naughty.those little tykes took a bottle of glue and tried to empty it on my grandad's bed when no one was around,lucky i spotted them.

tomorrow will be a LONG day,in fact tuesday's are the worst in the whole week.

goodnight

saturday reunion.

2005-01-23T01:53:00.000+08:00

today was kinda of a reunion for us sec sch guys.after spending the nite at tabbys house,playing winning 11.i swear to god its the greatest sports game cre8ted for soccer fans.classic netherlands had me drooling.cyruff,gullit and van basten as 3 attackers,and rjikarrd was fast too. i had a swell time playing the game.and a sweet bicycle kick by cyruff sure made my night.

went to suki sushi for brunch the next day with penguin,tab and ws.its the 2nd time in my life eating sushi.peng order the chawamushi or wasitname and it tasted like SHIT.it was some kind of steam egg that even i couldnt take,and i do love eggs.

me,farhan,zi rui,xl,ws,penguin,cube,tab and bok went for soccer later or rather tried to.court was booked and the school was out of bounds.it really puzzled me though,the stupidity of the school management.when the school was occupied,anybody could go in as they please,nobody would give a damn.now that it is vacant,they hire a old senile security guard to shout at little boys trying to enter and play a game of footie.the irony.

so we hung around and talk cock,discussing jc life.seems that my friends are all having a very pleasent time. and i got a big shock when i heard wad the VJ ogls did for farhan and his OG,hey mjc ogls u should check it out!each had their own PERSONALIZE cd cover and had a cd with tons of pics and videos of the orientation,behind the cd cover were short letters by the ogls to the person who recieved it.wow,thats really something.

zi rui mentioned that i have changed since going to jc.he said my temper was better.but i think the opposite has happened,haha,im not sure too,i cant be sure about anything pertaining to "me" at this juncture.maybe its just that i cant bare to scold my friends that i have not seen for so long,or maybe it was because i was tired after last night's winning eleven 4-way rumble.anyway i hope its true,that i have changed in 1 way for the better.

after dinner at kfc we went to tabbies house to see liverpool get their ass kicked major,den we huddled at his laptop showing each other pic's of "chicks" in our jc.just like the good ol times ar farhan?we went our seperate ways after that.im getting tired now,im going to sign off now.

goodnite

hari raya eve

2005-01-21T01:45:00.000+08:00

i never thought i would start a blog.i used to think that some personal feelings are just meant for one's self. i mean, isnt akin to letting a few billion pple read ur diary?anyway here i am today.its 1.45am and im feeling a little bit weird ,duno why also. with a little encouragement from val and seeing my cousin setting up one too( cant lose out!),i decided to start one just for the fun of it.i hope to use this as an outlet to vent any pent up emotions i have and hope to let pple know more bout me thru dis blog.most likely because im not v good with words and expressing emotions in real life.(typical singaporean).as wad farhan or zi rui would say.i cant "espresso".haha.tomorrow(or rather later) will be boring.gym not open,nyp not open,cant exercise due to a niggling injury,

I am in mj now.after being a "monk" for 10 years.its a real new experience for me.the sights,sounds and smells(!) are really something new to behold.as i look back at the past few weeks,im beginning to feel that i have changed quite alot and not the same "elton"that my sec frens will be able to relate too.the new "elton" is more friendly,socialble......and fake. maybe its juz the new environment.i keep crapping bout adapting to my friends but i realise that i must still keep firm to some principles of mine. hiaz..its a tough balance.but everynight when i look at the mirror, the image looks back at me in disgust as if saying "what have you become?". i think its because im becoming more insecure.jc life sure is tricky.i need to wear a smile constantly and be friendly.i hate that.its just so as wad my sis would say,kitsch(thx for teaching me dis word!).i hope i can revert back as soon as possible to the old "me".i hope my friends of old will remind me constantly what i used to be like and tell me if anything of me has changed.

oh well,come what may.

im begnning to dislike jc life.it ends too late and i end up too tired,cant stop sleeping in class.i still blur as to wad cca to take, i think i better choose one and commit myself b4 i end up with a nothing later.wad my sis told me is true,its an extension of sec school. im going through log and indices again.remainder theorem anyone? damn.nyp open house not open later on.
i should never let my schooling get in the way of my education.well its just for the 1st three months and i think it will be a good experience.

i go to school but i dont learn the things i wanna know.

wishing everybody a happy hari raya!goodnight.